Summertime! Yes!

That is right, school is out, swimming pools are open, the lake is full of boats, sun is shining, pollen has disappeared (for the most part) and vacation season has officially begun. But that is not why I'm excited about summer. For me, this year at least, summer has an entirely different meaning.

Over the school year, schedules are crazy. They start at 5:30 AM when the alarm goes off (and I affectionately turn it off with minimal force). It is rush, rush, rush. Hurry up, get the kids out of the door (and always late to school), get on the road, go call on customers, rush to get the kids from daycare by 6:00, go home, try to throw something that resembles healthy together for supper so that you can eat before 8:00PM. Usually that doesn't happen because I will have forgotten to take the meat out of the freezer so Papa Johns to the rescue, or a quick Sonic run. Then we STILL end up eating at 8:00. I will stay up way to late catching up on the work I didn't get done, go to bed, not sleep, wake up and do it all again. Exhausting, right? (and that isn't even all of it!) And before you get all "Oh Lori, you can do better, you just have to manage your time better" on me, believe me. I know. I've got it all figured out! On paper. But that is usually where it stays. Forevermore.

But summertime. Oh glorious summer. The alarm doesn't go off. I wake up at 5:30 AM all by myself. The kids are laid back, my mom takes them so no rushing off to school. I can actually eat (gasp) breakfast and make it to my first customer PREPARED! Wow. Miracles happen in the summer. For some reason, I get home at a decent time. I pick the kids up and have plenty of time to make dinner. Tonight, I made fish! And it didn't suck! And fresh veggies, and cous-cous. Oh my goodness, an entire home cooked meal, on the table before 7:00! I don't know what it is, but it is almost as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I have the resounding feeling of peace. The "little me" on my shoulder is cheering me on "You've got this Lori, you've got this!" And I do.

So the meaning of my summer is the opportunity to slow down. I vow (ha!) to not make unachievable goals. I vow to at least eat dinner at the table four of the seven days in a week. I vow to make use of the looser schedules that come with longer days and shorter nights; to use this time to work HARDER to achieve my goals. Do you know when you just have a good feeling about something, but you can't really pin point what it is, or why? Well that is where I am. So YAY for summer. Yay for getting my act together and for the relief of knowing I've been ridden of at least one of my recurring excuses.

Happy Summer!

~Mommylah~

Progress!

Happy Mother's Day to anyone who is reading this.....and that is a mom-like figure. Today has been a great day for me because not only did I get to spend time with my family, I achieved another goal on my wellness journey. This one didn't really look like I had originally thought it might; it was few awesome things wrapped up in a nice little bow, and I'm so excited to share it with y'all!

So last year in July I bought a dress. I blogged about it. See that here!

It was a pretty dress, super cute and super cheap. And it should have fit, because it was my size. But when I tried it on it was scary. And it really bummed be out. I was already at a pretty low point any way, because all of my plans for health and fitness fell through the cracks when I got hurt. I was bigger than I ever was, more out of shape than I had been in years, and just overall down about stuff. So the dress in my size not fitting (even though it really ran small, probably marked wrong) was a big blow. It sucked. So I got motivated and decided I was going to do something about it. It lasted about a minute, but hey, my heart was in the right place. I was bound and determined to wear that dress and look good in it. I even hung it on my wall to keep me on track.

Fast forward 10 months and I did it! I wore that dress today. And when I say it didn't look like I thought it would, it's true. You see, I envisioned this tall knockout with a string of pearls and red high heels turning heads as I walked down the street. I had totally unrealistic goals of how I should wear it, and how long it should take to get there. But this year is different. Today, I decided to try on that dress. I've lost some weight and at least one pants size. I tried it on before I went to London, but didn't feel it. Today was different. I can't explain it really, but when I tried it on this morning, it fit. Not just physically, but mentally. I felt proud, and excited and pretty.

The feeling was not in the super model walking down the street turning heads way. It was in the accomplishment way. I know it's not exactly where I wanted it to be, but it is so much better than it was.So when I say it was many things wrapped up in bow, I will share, I promise. First enjoy these before and after pics.

Okay, back to the story. The package is this: Self confidence, hitting a goal, and PROGRESS! Yup. The first pic may not look that much different than the second. Maybe a little slimmer on the waist, and under the chin perhaps. Not really that noticeable; to me, anyway. The difference is all in my head. Back in July, I hated myself. I hated the way I looked and the way I felt. All time low! I had the motivation on the surface, but not in my heart. I knew what I needed to do, but not the drive to do it. And so nothing changed. Except I sank lower and lower. This year though, I feel amazing. I have fully embraced the whole package. I know what I have to do and I'm doing it. I've accepted the fact that I will not change overnight, and that I have to work my ass off to achieve my goals. And I accept the fact that a little progress is a big deal! A BIG DEAL! I feel good. No, I feel GREAT. And I know that as long as I keep moving in the right direction, the next time I check, this dress won't fit at all! That won't be tomorrow, maybe not even this year. But I will get there, and it will be amazing.

So yes, I'm excited. This is a great feeling. A feeling that I can do this, slowly, with great patience and determination. That there will be bumps in the road and I will make mistakes. I'm not ever going to be perfect. But I can feel the changes happening and I can see progress, small as it may be, and that is enough to keep me going! Yay!

Have a beautiful rest of the day. Thanks for reading!

~Mommylah~

It's almost May. Yay!

**Breaking news before our regularly scheduled programming. In the coming months I will be changing up my blog, or perhaps starting a new one. One of the things that motivate me is when others say I motivate them. ME! Motivate someone! Who would have thought! So, I thought I’d play with that a bit. There are so many people who keep me moving along on this crazy journey I’ve set out on. I want you to know them too! So I will be inviting fitness guru’s, other people on weight loss journeys, wellness coaches…. Basically whoever might bring useful stories or motivation to the table is invited to join me on my blog! There will be interviews, guest spots, articles, ETC! I plan to be much for active and far more relevant for anyone who spends time here. So stay tuned! I’m super excited to see where this goes. And I hope it offers you something that you can use wherever you are on your journey!** And now back to the other stuff.

I’m afraid I’ve been suffering from bloggers block. And fitness block. And eating lunch block. And the managing time block. And…okay you get the picture.

It’s been a few weeks since I checked in here. Why you ask? Well, I’ve been working, traveling the world, reading, being a mom, working, reading etc. You know usual stuff. What I have not been doing is staying on track with my wellness goals. But I’m not going to beat myself up too bad. Despite April being low on the success scale, overall my results are favorable. I’ve lost 18 lbs (or something) and gone down a pants size and walked in my first 5K since I got hurt last year. I did not go backwards when the going got tough. So despite the fact that I can count on one hand the amount of times I actually worked out this month, I’d say things are still on the right track.

Bring on May. I turn 33! That means I’ve officially been blogging this journey for three long years. And in those three years, I am proud to say I am the farthest along today than I ever have been. Awesome, right? And this May I’m getting serious. I’m working on a plan to get our family on track by eating healthy and being active. I have also set new attainable goals to take me through the rest of the year, and I am stoked! I hope to be down at least one or two more pants sizes, and have to buy new clothes by the end of July and by the end of November; I hope to have hit my weight loss goal of 60 lbs. Though if that takes until the end of December, that is fine too. It WILL happen this year!

It is not easy. It is NOT easy. I make it sound easy, but it is NOT easy. I’ve accepted that, and now I’m trying to tweak my plans so that I can improve every week. I’ve just got to accept that fact that we are a super busy working family who has a full calendar, and oh, we are human. All of those magazines and blogs, and parenting sites are so full of great ideas that should be easy for any competent mom to do; except this one. But if I have learned anything in the past three months it is that I have to be flexible and stay positive and keep trying. So while I have a plan, I know it will not “stick like glue”. There will be road blocks. But one thing that I can commit to is making healthier choices whenever I can, and to not continue to go backwards when something doesn’t work out. I try very hard to not get discouraged!

So let’s do this. I’m so excited to leave April in the dust and start as fresh as the beautiful flowers blooming in May. This is going to be such an exciting spring and summer that I can hardly contain myself.  I hope you will join me in staying positive, setting attainable goals and relishing in the beautiful seasons ahead of us! 

~Mommylah~

Motivation is.....

So the last several weeks in our home have been challenging. Between the husband's extensive travel for work and mission, my travel for work and the kids Spring break, it's been a trip trying to stay on track. And while I have done well, I have not been on top of my game. So today I took a little time to reflect on my journey of the last couple of months.

Looking back, I (re)started this journey in February. Since then, I have lost 13 pounds. And in the past two weeks where it has been the most challenging, though I didn't lose any more, I didn't gain. Why? Well, Even though I didn't make the best choices, I was very conscious of the choices I made. And I did my best to stay active with the tools I had.

A few of the highlights were buying a new swimsuit (which I actually have to replace already cause' it's too big!) , I went down a pants size and I lost weight. The low lights were, it still sucks to shop. BIG TIME. And I was not consistent enough with my diet to optimize my results. But, I'm going to focus on the highlights and think about what will motivate me to keep succeeding on this journey for the remainder of the year!

Over the last couple of days, I found myself browsing old pictures from various events in the past couple of years. And I was totally psyched that I can actually see the results of my hard work. I was appalled that I let myself go that far and excited that I am making such great progress. Yesterday I had the joy of shopping for Easter. Actually, that wasn't really joyful at all. And I got approval to buy another big piece of fitness equipment (an elliptical machine), but I weigh to much for anything in the affordable range. (Ugh! That alone carries enough weight for an entire blog post of its own!)

As we close one month and begin another, my motivation will be to continue to look better in pictures, to start to LOVE shopping, and to lose enough weight to buy that elliptical machine before then end of the summer.

Y'all I am so excited about this journey. In gazillions (or dozens) of my previous blog posts and conversations in the past year, I fully acknowledge that this is a long process. But I don't think I've ever really embraced it. It's a hard pill to swallow. It sucks to be fat! Well, it sucks to be fat and want to change. It takes soooo long. But now I've embraced that it is going to take a loooooonnng time. And I've accepted the fact that if I'm going to do this, I'm going to have to stick with it for the long haul. Forever, really because it is a total lifestyle change. But I think I've got the right tools and the right people on my team to make it happen for real. I'm ready. I'm going to do this. I feel it in my bones and I love it!

Happy Easter, and may the new month bring all things bright and beautiful.

~Mommylah~

 

The Little things!

So, we were supposed to hang out at a hotel tonight and play in the pool waiting for daddy's very late flight to get in. (Change of plans-broken pool) And in order to swim, one needs a swimming suit. That is something I have not invested in, in years. I had a couple that did the job in the event that we ever needed them, but have not been willing to buy a new one because, well.... ick! Not a fun thought.

But, this time was different. I felt it was necessary. Not only because of tonight, but because a large part of our spring break next week revolves around swimming. So I took a leap of faith, found a super cute suit online and spent way more money than I'm comfortable with, taking a risk that it might be perfect. And guess what????

Well, I read the reviews, and I was kind of nervous. Everyone said that it ran small, it was stiff, and not a good fit for a tall full figured woman. I didn't care, it was cute. I loved it. But I didn't want to order a size bigger, so I ordered my size. And IT FIT! Actually, it was slightly big. AND it looked good! Actually, great!! Now I'm no swimsuit model, so fear not, I will not post a picture. But I will tell you that I am gonna wear that thing with confidence. For the first time in probably 10 years (since my honeymoon) I am not embarrassed to strut my stuff in a bathing suit. And it's not because I'm super hot. And I really have not lost that much weight. But I feel better. I feel confident and comfortable in my own skin. And I can only credit my change in lifestyle for that.

So the moral of my story is, even if the results are not immediate, and you don't look like a super model after seven weeks of consistent effort, it doesn't matter. If you feel better about yourself it makes all the difference in the world. It's the little things, friends. Take them as they come! And enjoy every single victory, no matter how small or silly they may seem.

Now off to enjoy my kiddos in the movie theater wearing 3D glasses instead of the hotel in my awesome swimsuit. But I'm gonna keep smiling at the thought of wearing it next week. :-)

~Mommylah~

Game on!

Guess what? I hit my first (short term) goal! This is a huge deal because while I'm really good at hitting goals professionally, I am not so much personally. So what was my first (ST) goal you ask? Well, it was to fit into the airplane seat belt without having to use a seat belt extension. Last year, I was so embarrassed when I had to ask the flight attendant for help in front of my peers. Six weeks ago when I started training, I decided that last year was the last time. And I did it! So, I lost almost 10 lbs, dropped a pant size and fit into an airplane seat. So awesome. I'm psyched! My confidence has increased, I feel great and I'm empowered to continue on this losing path.

But it is not all easy. I still lack self esteem in some areas. Like what I wear, and exercising in public. I'm so ready to be over this! A life of being the fat girl and never really fitting in with anyone is hard to overcome. I still feel the discriminating looks of others who have no idea what it feels like to be the minority. Grant it, I don't experience it as much as I used to. And some of it might still be in my head, but I can't say for certain. Let me explain. For the past week, I was at a trade show for my employer who has a very consistent taste for hiring people in my current role. Let me tell you, they look nothing like me. They are recent college grads, excellent athletes; football players and cheerleaders. They have great hair, great measurements, bubbly personalities and can be trained into great sellers. They definitely turn heads, the guys and gals. And you might think this is my insecurity speaking; it might be, a little. But it was very obvious when I partnered with one of them to walk the trade show floor. We visited booths where I previously stopped earlier in the day and was barely acknowledged....not for my lack of bubbly personality, I tell you. All of the sudden the reps were interrupting conversations with others just to talk to us. Well, one of us anyway. And on the bus, this was actually quite amusing. The married men who apparently did not view me as a threat sat with me and we had lovely conversations. The women as I described previously and the male counterparts on my team, would sit on each others laps rather that sit next to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if I get noticed. I'm happily married and I'm more than happy to work hard to be accepted. But I know there are others who are eaten alive by this every single day. I used to be one of them. And it does creep up on me every now and then. Like on a day I don't work out or am not feeling well. All of those insure thoughts creep back into my head. I'm not sure if that will ever go away, even if I do hit all of my goals. The idea that I can diminish the insecurity is definitely a motivator.

So that brings me to my next short term goal. London is less than a month away, and I have a new wardrobe to buy! I have to buy a new formal dress, and some really cute digs to strut around town in. I want to look great and feel great. I don't know how to make this a measurable goal, but I'll take a stab at it. I'd like to be at least one dress size smaller and be able to fit into and look great in an adorable blue polka dot dress I purchased several months ago. And when we are at the hotel in London, I want to work out in the fitness center with confidence when there are other people present.

This is a long road and I get that. Changes I am making are not easy. My diet leaves much to be desired. But I've overcome a big challenge already and am starting my 7th week of this journey. And I have never been so excited to see how it unfolds. I want to be a billboard for other women like me; hard working, married mothers who have so much on their plate that they constantly put themselves second. I want to show everyone that they are worth the extra time, stress and effort it takes to put themselves first. And how when they finally figure that out, they will be so much more to the people that they work so hard for than they ever thought possible. It is not easy to reverse history. I want to walk the isles of that trade show next year and turn heads. Not because of my measurements but because of my new found confidence and security in who I am as a person. And I want to take someone with me. So GAME ON  baby. I'm so pumped and ready to continue. Will you come with me?

Why this time is different

Today, I finished my 10th session with my trainer. That is five weeks of going twice a week for an hour, and working out at least three more days. This is huge people, and let me tell you why.

If you know me, you know that I have been on this journey of wellness or weight loss or whatever you want to call it, for a very long time. If you don't know me, well, I have been on this journey for a very L O N G time. Just look back at this blog. I started it the year I turned 30. So, that is what, three years or something?(Yeah, I don't do numbers) And that is only since I began this blog!! During this time, I have started a ton of stuff; Joined a gym, registered for races, bought exercise equipment, bought workout clothes, joined weight watchers (a couple of times), purchased diet pills and diet plans. You name it, if it is on the market, I've probably tried it. But the life span of these experiments never really extended past three or four weeks. Last year I was probably the most committed (until now) than I ever was. I even registered to run in my first half marathon. Then (insert excuse) I got hurt. And I gave up. It was simple. And then I grew. But not in the way I'm proud of.

So why is it different this time you ask? Well allow me to explain. It has been F I V E weeks. Five weeks of commitment. Five weeks of working out, five days a week. And I have not made that much progress. Okay, maybe I have. I've lost a pants size. And according to the weight on my wellness challenge from church, and the scale I stepped on this morning, I have lost (gasp!) 10 lbs! But normally, this would not be enough for me around week four and I'd quit. Make an excuse. Say I'd start again tomorrow and indulge in a big brownie or ice cream sundae. But not this time!

I've had to fight myself to push forward. There have been days when that ice cream sundae could have solved world peace. But I fought through. The first four weeks, I did suck bad with my diet. This week was really the determining factor. It is usually the time I give up. However, I decided last week that I would make no more excuses. I made a meal plan, cleaned my kitchen, and committed to sticking with it. It was not easy either. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to order pizza. Or go to McDonald's. Or just not eat at all. But I did. Prepared dinner every night, according to plan. Brought my lunch everyday, according to plan. Worked out when I had absolutely no desire to do so. I cannot tell you how amazing that feels!

When I left my trainer this morning, I wanted to jump for joy! I love her to death. She believes in me and motivates me. I wish I had that much confidence in myself! But she has enough for both of us. I cannot believe I made it this far, however next week will present a whole new challenge. I will be on my own for my workouts, everyday in a hotel with a gazillion strangers. Totally out of my comfort zone. Well, if I have made it this far, I'll be damned if I'm going to give up now! I will workout, I will eat right and I will come back ready to kick it up a notch. Because in exactly one month I will get on another plane to London, and I will be going shopping before we leave! Cause I'm going to kick ass preparing, and work myself out of a wardrobe.

The moral of this story is.....get over that hump. Whatever it is that is holding you back, get over it. Do not give up. When it gets hard, work harder. One week is big. Two weeks is bigger. Three weeks is huge. Four weeks is amazing. Five weeks is HARD. But that sixth week will be so amazing so push on through and rock your wellness goals! You are worth it!

~Mommylah~