Game on!

Guess what? I hit my first (short term) goal! This is a huge deal because while I'm really good at hitting goals professionally, I am not so much personally. So what was my first (ST) goal you ask? Well, it was to fit into the airplane seat belt without having to use a seat belt extension. Last year, I was so embarrassed when I had to ask the flight attendant for help in front of my peers. Six weeks ago when I started training, I decided that last year was the last time. And I did it! So, I lost almost 10 lbs, dropped a pant size and fit into an airplane seat. So awesome. I'm psyched! My confidence has increased, I feel great and I'm empowered to continue on this losing path.

But it is not all easy. I still lack self esteem in some areas. Like what I wear, and exercising in public. I'm so ready to be over this! A life of being the fat girl and never really fitting in with anyone is hard to overcome. I still feel the discriminating looks of others who have no idea what it feels like to be the minority. Grant it, I don't experience it as much as I used to. And some of it might still be in my head, but I can't say for certain. Let me explain. For the past week, I was at a trade show for my employer who has a very consistent taste for hiring people in my current role. Let me tell you, they look nothing like me. They are recent college grads, excellent athletes; football players and cheerleaders. They have great hair, great measurements, bubbly personalities and can be trained into great sellers. They definitely turn heads, the guys and gals. And you might think this is my insecurity speaking; it might be, a little. But it was very obvious when I partnered with one of them to walk the trade show floor. We visited booths where I previously stopped earlier in the day and was barely acknowledged....not for my lack of bubbly personality, I tell you. All of the sudden the reps were interrupting conversations with others just to talk to us. Well, one of us anyway. And on the bus, this was actually quite amusing. The married men who apparently did not view me as a threat sat with me and we had lovely conversations. The women as I described previously and the male counterparts on my team, would sit on each others laps rather that sit next to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if I get noticed. I'm happily married and I'm more than happy to work hard to be accepted. But I know there are others who are eaten alive by this every single day. I used to be one of them. And it does creep up on me every now and then. Like on a day I don't work out or am not feeling well. All of those insure thoughts creep back into my head. I'm not sure if that will ever go away, even if I do hit all of my goals. The idea that I can diminish the insecurity is definitely a motivator.

So that brings me to my next short term goal. London is less than a month away, and I have a new wardrobe to buy! I have to buy a new formal dress, and some really cute digs to strut around town in. I want to look great and feel great. I don't know how to make this a measurable goal, but I'll take a stab at it. I'd like to be at least one dress size smaller and be able to fit into and look great in an adorable blue polka dot dress I purchased several months ago. And when we are at the hotel in London, I want to work out in the fitness center with confidence when there are other people present.

This is a long road and I get that. Changes I am making are not easy. My diet leaves much to be desired. But I've overcome a big challenge already and am starting my 7th week of this journey. And I have never been so excited to see how it unfolds. I want to be a billboard for other women like me; hard working, married mothers who have so much on their plate that they constantly put themselves second. I want to show everyone that they are worth the extra time, stress and effort it takes to put themselves first. And how when they finally figure that out, they will be so much more to the people that they work so hard for than they ever thought possible. It is not easy to reverse history. I want to walk the isles of that trade show next year and turn heads. Not because of my measurements but because of my new found confidence and security in who I am as a person. And I want to take someone with me. So GAME ON  baby. I'm so pumped and ready to continue. Will you come with me?