Eight Weeks

Tomorrow I will start training for my 2nd 8K race. http://www.runawayrace.com/ I am fortunate enough to work for a company that sponsors this race, so my entry is covered. Last year, I trained for about two weeks, and pushed my two kids in my jogging stroller up the steepest hill I have ever walked. And I finished the race in under two hours. And I evaded any major injury and even soreness! Needless to say, I was on a major high. I totally believed I was capable of doing a half-marathon this past August. This was the last race before my knee surgery. And I didn't do the 1/2 marathon.

This year, I get to participate in the race with my husband. He will be pushing the considerably bigger kids this time. And this year, I will train for 8 full weeks. My lofty goal is to finish the race in one hour. Considering I barely completed my 5K two weeks ago in under an hour, it is a hugely lofty goal. A more realistic goal is an hour and a half. I hope to be able to jog a bit of this race, and I hope to finish at least close to my husband, if not with. Most of all, I hope to finish!

So, my prayer for the next eight weeks goes a little like this:

Lord, please take away my ability to make excuses. Please help me get through the next eight weeks and my 8K race healthy and injury free. Please walk with me as I know you will, as I prepare to do this the right way. And help me finish the race with as much pride and joy as I did the last. Each step is a step in faith and dedication to the life you have blessed me with, and on the path you have paved for me.

Amen!

I am the one on the far right with the kiddos. :)

Conclusion

I know it's a little premature, since there are still two more weeks left in this month, but when God speaks, it's not on my terms. So with that, I've received three answers to prayers this week:

1) I'm not going to have surgery.
2) I can't do this alone.
3) I will succeed, but I must be faithful, committed and believe in myself.

With these answers, I have found some direction. I'm relieved that I can take surgery off of the table. I didn't really want to do it. To me, it was a way out. And if can't do it on my own, I probably won't do it after surgery either. I can't do this on my own. I just can't. I'm not strong willed enough. I'm competitive by nature, and alone, I have no competition. I am not disciplined enough. I don't have strong enough willpower. These are all things that I can change, but they won't happen overnight, so to do this, I must seek guidance. And not just from the Lord, but from those whom he has blessed with the gifts to help people like me. So, I'm going back to Weight Watchers. I've been successful there before, but never stuck with it. It's easy for me, because I have a room full of people who are going through the same struggles as I am, and it doesn't matter if they have one or 100 pounds to lose. They will hold me accountable, because I have to weigh-in every week. They cheer for you when you lose :) I blush like a fool, and claim to hate recognition, but it really does make me want to keep going! And I want to be a success story. I would love to be the one leading a weight watchers meeting. This is not a new thing for me. I can remember the very first weight watchers meeting I ever went to when I was in my early 20's, in Illinois. That woman stood up there with that picture of herself (my size) and said if I can do it you can. Ever since that, I have wanted that job. I think it is part of my calling to help women and children. I would love to be a motivational speaker, showing the ordinary person she can do extraordinary things like lose the weight of her two kids or more! And I know I can do it. I will do it. I will succeed, I will be patient, and I will be committed, and I will be successful. I'm not going to put a start or finish goal on this journey. I hope it's sooner than later. But it's not on my time. It will happen and I will continue to listen for the directions of God, and follow this path he has paved for me. And I'm at peace with that.

Day one of the last month before D-day

So, since I can't do AM school work on Monday's (no one posts anything for me to respond to this early in the morning on the first day of the week in class) I decided to blog. Saturday is the Woodstock 5K. This will be the second time I have done this. After last year I vowed to train better. Last year, I just dilly dallied around all week and went into the 5K which nearly killed me by the end of that hot, hilly, humid 3.1 miles. And I just walked! This year, I didn't do as I had hoped in training well for weeks before. But I will make an attempt to prepare myself as good as possible this week. So that means, with mom'ing, schooling, work and life in general, my workouts will take place before the sun rises. Because I'm not totally recovered from my many injuries to my knee, and my silly foot that feels the need to make itself known, I need to make sure I include my physical therapy in my training. This morning, the alarm went off at 4:30. I rolled out of bed, yawning thinking I am crazy (no need for confirmation, thanks), and put my cup of tea in the microwave. I rolled out my mat on laid on the floor to begin my exercises. They took me all of 10 minutes so I completed the routine with 100 crunches.  Then I got up, changed into my public appropriate workout clothes, drank my tea and headed out the door. I decided to turn the radio off and have a conversation with God on my way to the gym. That led me to make a wrong turn, lol. I guess I can't multitask that early in the morning. When I finally arrived, I pushed through a hilly interval on the elliptical, and after 30 minutes and 1.10 miles I managed to burn 453 calories. Not bad start to the day. Now, to continue this mission for the rest of the week. I can and I will....I have to!

Happy first week of August, friends!

Extension, please.

Here we are, the night before my deadline for making a decision is up. To call the surgeon or not to call. That is the question. And the answer is.....not yet. July has been one heck of a month. It started off with an unexpected death in the family. Then travel. Then two weeks away from life as we know it; from our comfy routine. Two weeks of very easy excuses to fail. Then we came back. We didn't go grocery shopping that entire first week, so we ate out 5 out of 7 nights; some days for me, 3 different meals! Then our babysitters gave their notice. Then I have the stress of finding a new childcare arrangement. Oh, and getting behind on school work and then this and then that and then this and that, and what do you call it??? OH....LIFE! Ha. Wasn't my last blog about how life gets in the way?

So a lesson learned this month is I need to be better equipped to handle the unplanned. Could I have handled my challenges differently? Absolutely! Do I know what I did wrong? Yup. Do I know what I am going to do to change things? Not completely. But I do know what I am going to do to try.

My biggest struggle right now is time. I just go with the motions. I wake up and drag my tail for an hour before I realize I'm about to be late. Then I go to work, do my thing, rush home starving, snack while I make dinner then eat super fast only to be hungry within an hour. Then I play on the computer, do school work and go to bed, only to start the vicious cycle again the next day. The one piece missing is the 30 minutes of exercise I need to move forward with my goals. Where the heck can that go? What really needs to happen, is I need to set the alarm, drag my rear out of bed and go to the gym. If I can get myself back into that early rising routine, I could potentially get my workout in and at least part of my school work done before the sun even rises. This would allow me to spend less time on this laptop at night, more time with the kiddos and get to bed earlier so I can do it all the next day.

This is why I am requesting an extension. I need to give myself one more month. I have until September to make the call. That will still give me the necessary 3 months of supervised dieting I need, and still have the procedure done this year so I don't have to pay for it. And I am going to try. I really am. I don't feel like I tried last month. I didn't give myself a fair shot. I had a lot of curve balls. I didn't dodge them very well. I wasn't very graceful in my actions. I didn't pray much at all, or relinquish control to the Lord, in respect to weight loss anyway.

So I'm going to stick to my plan of not making plans. I will do my best to eat well, workout, and try to get my life back in order after an entirely chaotic month. I am going to embrace my challenges faithfully and by the Grace of God. I am going to remember why this is important and who is really in control. I'm going to pray and pray and pray more. I'm going to seek guidance instead of giving in to temptation.

It is not easy to change. And contrary to popular belief, you can't just wake up in the morning to everything being perfect. Point is, I know I am not perfect, and I am perfectly okay with that. I know I am a work in progress. I know God has a plan for me, and that I am the only road block. I know that when I worry, I am only setting myself back. I realize my weaknesses. And I realize the seriousness of them. I can feel God smacking me upside my head. I just need to do something about it before he has to take drastic measures.

My prayer for this month is simple. Lord, please forgive me for my weaknesses. Thank you for your unconditional love and forgiveness. Thank you for the plans you have for me. Help me be a faithful child. Help me open my eyes, heart and mind to the path you have laid for me. Help me listen for you when I feel tempted to walk backwards. Thank you for giving me another chance, every single day. In your Holy Name I pray, Amen.

When life gets in the way.

So week one of my challenge for myself didn't go so hot. It started off okay until we got the phone call that a loved one had passed. So we packed the bags and left town. I did alright on the road, making healthy food choices at the fast food restaurants (with the exception of the necessary caffeine in the coke form) and even discovering my ability to do jumping jacks again, in the bathroom in a gas station. Then we arrived. And there was food. Lots and lots of food. And there really wasn't anything to do but eat. So that's what I did, along with everyone else. I really am not upset with myself. Life gets in the way sometimes. But my stomach is pretty ticked. I feel awful, duh! Then I discovered the recumbent bike in my father-in-laws basement. I'm pretty sure I heard it speak to me. It said something like "No more excuses Lori, I am here, where have you been?" And now I have a plan. I know I'm not going to eat well tonight, as I sit here at Wendy's finishing up this weeks homework downing a tub of coke and a small fry, so I don't feel guilty using the free wireless. But tomorrow is a new day  (thank you God) and I WILL rejoice in it! I get the pleasure of working with some old co-workers while here in Ohio, so not to eat up all of my vacation time. Before work, I will ride that bike for as long as I can stand it, and do as many of my physical therapy exercises as I can without the fancy equipment. I will eat better. I will not give in to temptations. I will remind myself of the reasons I am on this mission. My step mother-in-law was not a healthy person, physically. She was overweight and sedentary. It was not like she didn't have ample opportunity to take care of herself (hello recumbent bike and stash of really nice walking shoes) She just got stuck in her habits of reading, gaming and face booking. She didn't move, and she didn't pay attention to the cues her body was giving her. She died of a massive heart attack at the young age of 56, leaving behind a husband that adored her and a son and future daughter-in-law who thought the world of her. No one will know why she let herself go like this but her and God. But her passing is a wake-up call for those of us who plan to occupy these earthly bodies God has provided for us. I am only 30, have high blood pressure and a long family history of heart disease. So, even though there are mounds of delicious looking food, and really comfy couches and patio furniture at my disposal for the next 5 days, it is up to me to avoid them. And if I want to stay here for very much longer, I guess I'd better ignore them and remember those two beautiful children, amazing husband and this golden path God has paved for me. Recumbent bike and healthy food, welcome back into my life. Delicious looking temptations, it was nice knowing you!

Many Blessings!

End of the road, sort of.

For the past month or so, I have been contemplating the last resort I spoke of in my first blog. Weight loss surgery. I've been researching the lap-band, the less invasive procedure. I'm fed up. I keep falling and hurting myself; I'm having foot pain that has literally kept me off of my feet (doctors orders); and I've gained back the measly 4 pounds I've lost since I started this journey.....again. That, and I feel like poop. I can definitely tell I'm not the fit and active Lori that I was last summer. I'm sooo not feeling Fabulous At Thirty. I'm simply feeling fat. And discouraged. So, why not take the easy way out and have surgery.

I have had friends that have had weight loss surgery, and let me tell you, it is certainly not the easy way out. Just ask someone who has had it. I know people, big and small, who assume that it is a cop-out. That the fat person is just too lazy to do it the hard way. But that is far from the truth for most people. Of course there are some who have this surgery who think it is like the fairy waiving the magic wand; poof, your skinny. They had a rude awakening. But weight loss surgery is not easy. It is hard, it requires a lot of work and a lot of discipline to ensure you lose the weight properly. You have to do specific things at specific times and exercise and follow the rules or you can get sick, malnourished and potentially kill yourself. Those are tall orders, just to lose weight. If I do opt to go this route, now would be the time to do it, as I wouldn't have to pay a penny because I've hit my out of pocket for my insurance.

So why not? Seems like an easy decision, right? HARDLY! I'm struggling with it big time for various reasons. 1) I'm not a fan of surgery. 2) I'm not convinced I've actually done everything I can to lose this weight. 3) If I lose just 10 pounds, I'm not even qualified! 4) If I do this, how can I mentor young obese people who would not have this option. 5) Is this God's plan?

Yes, I know. I think too much. I wish I didn't some times, but I have to believe that there is a reason I do. So, I'm going to type through my reasons.

1) Easy. I've had surgery twice now (not including my wisdom teeth), and really am not a fan of the way it makes me feel or the after effects.

2) I talk a lot. I know what to do. I just don't do it. I make a lot of excuses. I have a lot of good excuses too, but sometimes I think I lean too heavily on the good excuses turning them into bad excuses. And if I have not done everything on my own, who is to say that I will do everything necessary for the surgery to be a success? I sure would hate to waste a good surgeons skills and potentially worsen my health, because I can't follow through with anything.

3) If I just lose 1o pounds, I'm not qualified? What? Seriously? YES! Right now I am technically 100 lbs overweight, with a BMI of 43 or something like that. I qualify for surgery right now, based on my BMI. But if I lose 10 pounds, my BMI will drop to 40. At this time, I will only qualify for surgery if I have two medical problems associated with morbid obesity. I currently only have one. Hmmm. And, if I lose just 50 pounds, I am no longer considered morbidly obese. After reading these statistics, something ignited in me.

4) One of the things I have been called to do by our Heavenly Father is to work with obese children. I know this isn't in my head, because I hear this calling all the time. It's God telling me get your mind right Lori, it's time to make a change so you can finally answer your calling. I feel like I am being disobedient right now. A stubborn child with my own, or lack there of, agenda. How can I help young children change their ways, when I cannot even do it myself. As I drive down the street in a poor area in Birmingham stuffing my face with the Hardees breakfast sandwich and tub of coke, I see an entire family of morbidly obese people, right down to the 2 year old who looked to be about 5. What is wrong with me? I have the resources to make a change for myself. These people do not. I know better, they probably don't. But what am I doing? Sabotaging myself as I fill my body with this nasty stuff that is convenient. Not cool. I have heard my calling. Many people wait years or an entire lifetime for this, but not me. I heard it. And I'm not doing anything about it but thinking. I need to start acting, and I don't think that weight loss surgery is what God had planned for me. If I can't do what I need to help our future do, how can I help them?

5) Finally, is this God's plan for me? Or is this the convenient Hardees breakfast sandwich option? Yes, it would be convenient to have this helping hand in my weight loss journey. But is it obedient? There are people who have this surgery because they need it. It's life or death for them. It's not life or death for me. I think I can do this on my own. I just need to dedicate myself to it. I know this, so why is it so hard?

And that's it. 5 reasons why I'm not sure I should go this route. I think it is pretty clear. But yet, I still don't know what I am going to do. What now?

Here is the plan. I am going to give myself 25 days to do everything right. I'm going to allow myself margin for error. I'm going to plan for my weaknesses. I'm going to exercise everyday, in some form. I'm going to include my family and anyone who reads this on my journey. I'm going to count my calories, and log my workouts. I'm going to pray before every meal. I'm going to pray for God to help the food I eat nourish my body and for Him to nourish my soul so that I am not hungry. I'm going to discipline myself. I'm going to journal, every day. I'm not going to have any expectations at the end of my 25 days other than to do what I said I'm going to do. If I can do this, and I lose weight and disqualify myself for surgery, then there is my answer. If I do this and I don't lose any weight, and am still qualified for this surgery, I will schedule and appointment next month. This is my challenge to myself. If I can follow through with this and know I did everything within my power to help myself, then I will know what I am supposed to do in the end. And it will be spirit led. Because if God wants me to do it on my own, he will help me. If God wants me to seek the help of his skilled servants, then he will lead me there. But it's not up to me. I don't get to make this decision for myself.

So, if you read this, I ask you to pray for me. And if you love me, I ask you to remember that when I'm not so nice during parts of this challenge. Because I'm sure this isn't going to be easy. I've never regimented myself this strictly before, nor have I followed through with something so stringent. But it has never been more important than it is right now.

Lori...not following through with something?? No!

Ha! So, it's been since....um.....I don't remember when that I posted last. If you scroll down to my first post, you will see that I said that wouldn't happen. If you know me, you probably laughed at that part. Or you had hope that this time would be different. Well...I guess it sort of is. Because I'm here now, aren't I?

So in my very last post, you will see that I was a tad over ambitious. I mean come on. A minute by minute, play by play schedule of my day? LOL! Right. That worked for, well maybe the first minute. Truth is, I suck at scheduling. I am good at knowing what I am bad at though. And I'm learning how to fix that.

I'm pretty sure that it has been since my last post that I started going back to school. I am an official student of Axia College, where I will earn my associates degree before moving on to my bachelors. This is a big step for me. I've never been good at school. But guess what, it is week 7 and I'm getting an A in both classes! So, I can do good in things I think I'm bad at! Yeah me!

Conveniently, my first two classes are Health and Wellness and University Studies. Very timely. Health and Wellness has been great because it has re sparked my passion to be well, and to help others be well. University studies is great because it is helping me learn how I learn and how I need to learn how to learn! It is also teaching me how to manage stress and manage time. I'm usually good with the stress part, but, well as you may already know, not so hot on the time part.

How does this all relate to weight loss? Well, wellness is about health physically and mentally. And when working on one, you have to work on the other. It's a total lifestyle change. I know this, but I have not quite grasped it yet. I get to doing great then something happens like a stupid foot issue, or money problems and I fall off of the wagon. So now I have a different approach. Baby steps.

I know I have some things to work on:

1) Finances
2) Weight loss
3) Time Management
4) Spiritual time
5) Goal setting

I know that these won't happen overnight, like in my dreams. I won't wake up one day suddenly organized, fit, rich and holy. So I've devised a plan to not make a plan. Here is how it will work.

Stop doing things that cost money, other than the things I have to do that cost money, ie drive. This means no more eating out (except for the occasional planned affair) Eat healthier when I eat at home. Make TIME for exercise, not EXCUSES for NOT. Try a simple routine that works for everyone. Don't get discouraged when it doesn't work, find out what will work, and change it. Pray. I think I've got that one down. But, I do need to read the bible more. So, I'm going to make that a priority. Somehow, even if it is reading it to the kids. And finally, goal setting. I'm not going to tackle this one just yet. I need to get some of the other things straight first.

I've learned a lot during my brief hiatus. Like how not writing this blog, not remembering that I AM FABULOUS AT THIRTY, and just sorta giving up will make my weight come back! I need to remember why I am doing this. Why it is important. Why others are counting on me. I need to listen to God. He has been sending me messages. Some I've acknowledged, others I have not. But looking back, I get it now. He is telling me that I will not be able to do the things that he has planned for me if I do not get my act together. So, I hear that. Will this be easy? Heck no! Will I fail again? Heck yes! Will I give up because I failed again? Heck no!

Life as I know it is going to change. I'm going to stop going in a vicious circle, and start following the path that has been laid for me. Because I owe it to God, myself, my family, my friends and the future lives I'm going to change!

I feel at PEACE with this! Now let's move!

Time to make some changes

Yes, it has been a few weeks since I have posted. That is because I lost sight of my mission. So, this week, it is time to make some changes, instead of excuses.

In many of my conversations as of late, I hear myself saying why I can't do this, or how I can't do that. I, Lori Hays, have been making excuses. If that were a job, I'd be great at it! I find myself doing this at work, at home, with my husband, with my kids, with my mom, with my finances, with my various things I want to do. "I meant to do that, but..." "I tried to get that done, but" Ugh, just thinking about it frustrates me.

So, this week, I'm not going to focus so hard on how many pounds I lose, but instead, how many excuses I lose. Time management is a big issue for me. Mostly because I inherited a lazy gene from somewhere. Others are because I simply don't know how to manage my time. I have great ideas to help others do this, but I can't seem to figure out the magic equation for me. I don't know that there really is a magic equation, really. I think I just need to let go an let God. And that brings me to my first priority this week; God. The first thing I will do when I wake, is pray. Then I will do it throughout the day, and I will close my evening in prayer. Because, I talk about God a lot, and what he means to me, and how he is working in my life, and how I want him to be a big part of my kids life, and God this and God that, but I don't talk TO God. How silly is that. At least he knows I'm thinking about him. But I think he probably cares less about that. I mean, come on, how can he move me, work through me and in me, and help me, and lead me, if I don't talk to him. And most importantly, listen to him. Shame on me. So, my dear Lord... You are my #1 this week. I concede. I need you, and surrender. Lead me.

My second priority this week, is to not have a second priority. I need to get the first one under control first. But, I do plan to seek guidance with the changes I hope to make. Like, the clutter in my life. We gave up TV, yet I find myself filling the precious time in between when the kids go to bed, and when I go to bed, with this silly laptop on my lap, watching the shows I've become addicted to online. Um, duh! lol. So, this week, I will not watch any television, even online. Nada.

Next is this computer. It seems to be cluttering my life too. When I get home, I turn that stupid TV on and prop my kids in front of it so I can have some "quiet" time before getting on with my mommy duties. Then, I find myself yelling at those precious two, for getting into mischief when I'm in front of this thing. Again, Duh! I sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day. Why, oh why, must it be the first thing I do when I get home. No more. Unless the computer is included in something I'm going to be doing with the kids, which is highly unlikely, I will not visit it until my designated computer time. Because, yes, I need a few moments to myself when I get home. But those could easily be spent during "quiet time" with a book, in the same room as the kids. And if I do need to escape them for a moment to gather myself, I can do the dishes, or read the newspaper, or wash my hair. I don't know. My time with my kids is limited as it is, with my work schedule and various other things, so I really need to soak up my quiet time when they are quietly sleeping in bed. My two year old has been having behavior problems at school. I'm quick to make excuses for this. But, could it possibly be partly my fault? I don't really know. And If I start blaming myself, things will just get worse. But I can do everything in my power to do my absolute best with my kids when I have them. And maybe things will get better.

Finally, I'm going to try to adhere to a schedule. It won't be super structured. But I am going to use it as a guideline. Something to try to keep me on track. Charts work for toddlers and preschoolers, why can't they work for me. Like I said, it's not going to be structured at all. But eventually, I will be able to add things to categories. And this will also help me put my life into perspective. I need to know what time I have and don't have, and how to use it wisely. My current state is chaos. I have no structure. I go with the flow, and I procrastinate like crazy. Life like that is no life at all. I want to be peaceful, not crazy. Or maybe just peacefully less crazy. I dunno. But here is my shot at it.

What will a day in the life of Lori look like for this week (and hopefully more to come)?

4:00 AM wake up and pray.
4:30 AM Do something to make my day great, like exercise!
5:00 AM Wake up my precious children.
5:30 AM Get them dressed and out the door
6:00-5:00 PM- Go to work, pray, work, pray, come home from work, pray
5:00 PM Enjoy 3o minutes of wind down time with the family
5:30 PM Prepare dinner
6:00 PM Eat dinner with the family, whomever it consists of that day
6:30 PM Have fun with the family
7:30 PM Read and pray with the kids, and put them down for the night.
8:00 PM Read, do church, business stuff or whatever, pray.
9:00 PM Sleep

The goals of this week are to get closer to God, get closer to myself, get closer to my family, and to get rid of the excuses that clutter my life. Because with their presence, there will be no success. If I don't start realizing some of these changes now, life will be taking a downward spiral. I know that is not what God has planned for me. He's worked hard to mold me into who I am today. It is shameful to ignore that, and starting now (or again) I will listen.

Maintained this week

Well, I did pretty good last week, up until Thursday. Then I got busy, got lazy, and got careless. I sometimes wish I didn't have to watch what I eat, and didn't have to work so hard at being active. I wish I was one of those people who could just lace up my shoes and go for a jog. I wish I had unlimited amounts of free time to use as I choose. But, I don't. And I need to be at peace with that, and make good use of the time I do have, to maximize my results. I also need to remind myself that my choices effect my entire life. Yes, that chocolate cake is good. Yes, those chips and dip full fill a craving. But, by giving into those weaknesses, I am hindering my progress, and going backwards with my health. That means I am letting myself down, my family down and God down. Not cool. I don't have very high expectations of myself, and perhaps that is the problem. Maybe I need to hold myself to a higher standard. I need to take a step back and look at what my actions do, and how they effect things. Take that chocolate cake, and those potato chips. I ate them. They were yummy. I worked so hard durning Lent to give up those things. Sacrifices I made for Jesus, because of the sacrifice he made for me. But as soon as lent was over, I went back to my old ways. That kinda seems disgraceful. So, I guess what I need to do, is remember why it was so easy to give it up the first place, and why I did it, and continue the trend. Why fall back on old ways? Was I without for the weeks I made those sacrifices? Nope. But I did feel better, healthier, more energetic, and motivated, and closer to God. I know what I need to do, now I have to do it!

As a family, we decided to give up Dish TV. This is huge for us, because we are a tad bit addicted to television. We now will have time to go outside and play, play games, do activities, read, and be a family. We will still watch movies, and have some shows saved on the DVR for the kids, cause lets face it, there are times mommy needs free hands. But, for the most part, our evenings will not be spent in front of the TV with a big bowl of ice cream. Now we will go for walks, get lost in books, and go on adventures outside. I think this will be a healthy adjustment for all of us.

Alright, I think I've vented enough. I am going to try very hard to get back on track, and ulitmately stay there, from this point forward. My hair really needs cut, and I still need to lose 5 lbs before I get there. Not to mention all of the other goals I have. Like my 5K, my new jeans, a size 20 little black dress. But, I will do it. I will succeed. Because if I don't I will resort to doing something I really don't want to do. So failure is not an option. Besides, I want to rock Fabulous At Thirty.

Up a little

So last week it appears I gained slightly. Nothing too alarming. It was basically because of my lack of healthy eating at dinner, and lack of exercise. I forgive myself though. And will do better this week.

This week, I've decided to start counting calories. Since I joined the pound for pound challenge, I don't want to let the food bank down. So a little bit of discipline is in order. Counting calories is so not hard when you use www.sparkpeople.com nutrition tracker. It makes it easy, and most every food you can eat, good, bad or otherwise are already loaded. My goal is to stay around 1600 calories a day, and burn at least 300 at the gym on the days I actually make it there. I also want to make a better effort to work out at home on the days that I am not. I ordered a new workout dvd that I get to try free for 21 days. I will give that a shot when it arrives next week, but until then. I need to really get to the gym more often. After all, my first 5K on May 29th is just around the corner.

Already this week, I have been reminded of who is in charge. And, it most definitely isn't me. Thank GOD for GOD and JESUS. Because without them, and without faith, I would be nothing. If I have learned anything from this journey, it is that with God, anything is possible. And when I let go and let God, miracles happen. And miracles come in all shapes and sizes. I will be thankful for every single blessing, big or small that I run into.

Alright, family is home which means mommy break is officially over. Time to read books, go for a walk, eat dinner, and rejoice in the rest of this day!

-1.4 this week!

I'm very happy to announce that after a week of very little exercise, I am down 1.4 lbs. Proof that adjusting your diet does work! So just imagine what will happen when I continue with the healthy diet and get on a exercise routine :)

Last week I signed up for the pound for pound challenge, pledging to lose 50 lbs by June 30th. I know that is a stretch. But it you think about it, it is only about 5lbs a week. I will not be upset if I don't get all 50 lbs. But I will bust my tail trying. There is something easier about chasing my own goals when they will benefit someone else too! Every pound I lose, the challenge will donate the same about in food to the local food bank.

This week, I will begin to do a 30 minute workout in the morning at home and 100 crunches, and then attempt to go to the gym at least 3 days to do my couch to 5K training. I'm walking in my first 5K on May 29th! Kenny will actually be running in it too! I'll probably be pushing the kids, lol. Then the kids will run/walk in the 1 mile fun run. I'm very excited about doing this as a family. It is so motivating when my personal journey is not alone!

Alright, that is all for today. Thank you to all of my cheerleaders!

Lori

One month mark

Well, today is officially one month since I started this venture, officially on this blog, anyway. I don't think I did too bad, considering all of the challenges I had.

Total loss for the 1st month is 4 lbs!

That is 4 lbs that I will never see again!

This week, I am starting to train for my first 5K which I will walk (or maybe jog ;) ) on May 29th with my hubby! I am very excited, because after that, I will officially start training for my first 1/2 marathon in Chicago, which is August 1st.

I really need to be more dedicated to my activity. So far, I feel like I am all talk and no show. I want to go to the gym, and I want to do stuff at home, but I feel like I'm too worn out, for find reasons why I can't. That needs to stop. I've conquered the cravings, now it's time to conquer the excuses. I was watching the biggest loser this weekend in between cleaning. Last week was work week. They had to work 40 hours, plus work out 1hr in the morning and 1hr on the evening, and still do well in the competition to stay in the game. It was exhausting, and they were not allowed to make excuses. And every one of them lost. Until that show, I kinda thought, well it's all good for them, they get to work out 6 hours a day. It really hit home when they had to do what I do all day and still compete. So, if they can do it I can do it. I can't go to the gym twice a day, with hubby's schedule. But I can workout at home in the morning. It just takes a little motivation, and drive to get my rear out of bed earlier. And I can go to the gym at least once a day, I just need to manage my time a little better. It is important that this mission not cut into my family time. My kids cannot suffer at my expense. So, I have a lot to figure out. And I will. It won't be overnight, maybe not even this week. But it will happen. And I will not only be healthier, my family will be happier and more relaxed in the process.

So, this month, my goal is to get organized. I need to prioritize my goals. I need to realize my priorities and stick to them. And if it means the dishes sit in the sink until tomorrow so I can work out a little harder, so be it. Because, this is my last straw!

On my way to being Fabulous At Forty!

A bit of inspiration in unlikely places

It's amazing how little comments can make this journey so much easier. And they can also inspire! Last week, two very cool things happened to make me push even harder!

In therapy, I pushed through a bunch of my exercises that many of the folks in the same boat as I, struggle through. When my therapist saw I was done, he said, wow, that was quick, especially since we raised the weight on your leg! I was like, SCORE! 1 pt, Lori. Then, the PTA said, she is really FIT. WHAT???? Lori and the word FIT, in the same sentence? That is the one 3 letter "f" word I'd never thought I'd here describing me. Then they went on to say something about my 1/2 marathon in August, but I was still glowing from FIT :) Awesome!

Then on Sunday, I tried on a couple of my new work shirts. They fit a little snug because they are this different weird material. I asked Kenny what he thought. He said that they looked good. I was like thanks, but they are a little snug. He said they were fine, and besides, at the rate your going, they won't be snug for long. That was soo cool. Kenny is not loose with the compliments. I think I can count on two fingers, how often he has told me I'm beautiful. So, for him to say something like that is HUGE! It also tells me he believes in me. And that is the best feeling ever.

So, with that said, I'm off to exercise. Crunches anyone?

G'nite!

The timely stomach bug

So, last week was pretty rough. I struggled over cravings, lack of activity, and sleepiness. I also ate like crap. Well, not really that bad, but not as good as I would have liked, especially for dinner. I was on track to gain 1 lb. Then it came. The monster that struck my mom, daughter and son. I thought I lucked out, but nope. The stomach bug bit me. And I really can't complain. Cause, I lost 3 lbs this week, probably all today, lol!

I had a plan going in to this week, but it sorta derailed with the arrival of the previously stated. That's alright though, I'll get back on track tomorrow. I feel well rested, and rather empty. A little jump start. Not the kind I would have asked for, but it's not up to me! Prayers are not always answered the way we ask for them!

This week I will concentrate on stretching. I will also attempt to start a regular exercise regimen, at least regular for the next two weeks. I refuse to gain back what my body worked so hard to lose!

Here is to another great loss, and many more to come.

rough night

Ugh, don't know why. I'm just letting things get to me, and getting all bothered for no reason. It could be the "end of 2nd shift" syndrome, it could be mother nature, I dunno. But I am eternally grateful that Kenny has helped me in not keeping junk food in the house. And I also realized, no matter how much I deny it, I really do have a problem with food. For years and years and years, I swore up and down that I don't turn to food in my times of need. But tonight, I scoured the cabinets, looking for something to satisfy my void. I stopped for a moment, prayed, but still went back. Not cool. So, I need to work on that. This is the first real moment of weakness of this magnitude that I have realized since I started this adventure last month, and possibly the first time I have EVER admitted it. So, now that it is out there, I can start to work on it. I need to figure out what I am really hungry for. I think I have the answer to that. It lies within my heart, and is controlled by God. I need to work on breathing in the good stuff, and breathing out the bad stuff. I need to pray, read, listen and learn. And sleep would probably help. And exercise definitely wouldn't hurt. So, with all of these things combined, I can climb this mountain, conquer this challenge, and come out a big loser on the other side. Please pray with me, and for me as I battle this demon!

Many blessings!

Another loss :) -1 lb

Phew. That's about all I can say about last week. It was challenging for many reasons. One, my husband went on 2nd shift. Two, my kids were in rare form, largely because of the shift change. And three, I was flat out tired. Tired = Hungry in Loriland. My biggest challenge was tackling the hunger in the time between when I get home, and when dinner is done. I'm afraid I didn't rise above the challenges all of the time. I fell victim to bread and butter, Doritos and whatever else was in sight. But, I'm proud to say when I did regress, I did in moderation. It may have impacted my total weight loss potential, but I still lost. So, I'm still in control. My weaknesses did not win.

I did cheat on one of my Lenten fasts though. I didn't have time to eat breakfast on Friday before therapy, and I took a pain pill, so in order to make it to work alive, I had to eat. I had an egg Mc Muffin from McDonalds, a hash brown and an orange juice. I didn't order a coke, or anything sweet, so I'm glad that I stuck to that plan. I asked for forgiveness, and moved on. I prayed extra hard that day! I know, and Jesus knows that I'm not perfect. If I was, if we were, he wouldn't have had to make the ultimate sacrifice. So, I find peace in that, and that I can make mistakes, and be forgiven.

Speaking of forgiveness, I have a story to share about my 4 year old daughter this week. She had an especially rough day and night on Wednesday. Who knew being 4 could be so hard! At the end of the night, following a major meltdown, I layed down on her bed and cuddled her. She started sobbing. So I told her, I'm sorry you're having a rough night. But just because your tired, doesn't mean you get to be disrespectful to your family. I asked her if she thought Jesus was disrespectful to his disciples when they were tired, in which she promptly (in between sobs) said no. I told her I know it is hard to always be nice, and we will never be perfect like Jesus, but we have to try very hard. She thought for a minute, took a need breathe and said "Mommy, I want to be just like you when I grow up, and mom-mom (my mom) too". That made me feel like I was on top of the world. And glad that she wants to be like me after a heart to heart like that, rather than when I'm yelling at her brother, or something. Our conversation continued about how we have to forgive people when they hurt our feelings, and be nice, etc. But that was a great mommy moment for me. She went to bed peacefully, and woke up an angel.

Alright, back to the original programming.

My exercise went well, I think. I'd still like to do more, but I have to be careful not to hurt myself again. I cannot afford to be hurt again, and I have to much riding on my health, to overdo it for my self pride. I worked out at the gym for 40 minutes on Sunday, Tuesday and Saturday. I will try to go on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday this week. My schedule with physical therapy is making that difficult, cause in order to go during the week and NOT pay a sitter, I have to be there at 4:30 AM!!! Yikes! But, where there is will there is a way. I can do it, if I go to bed by 9:00. That is where I failed last week.

Some other things I have been working on are maintaining a clean house and car. Trying to do the dishes after dinner every night. Trying to stick to somewhat of a routine with the kids in the evening. And sticking to a menu. I've done pretty well. It's really hard to break old habits. And it is WAY to easy to just give up on goals. I figure if I can't change the giving up part in every aspect of my life, then I will probably fail miserably. I need to be more consistent, have more confidence and more strength in myself to accomplish my goals. And I need to NOT set the bar so high. The changes I am striving for are not huge. They are simple things that will clear the clutter in my life, physically, mentally and emotionally.

During Lent this year, our church is sorta doing just that. We are breathing out the bad and breathing in the good. This has helped me clear the way for the future. Realize what is important, and let go of what is not. And it has helped me open more doors for God to take control in my life. I look forward to seeing the possibilities. With God's help, I will be Fabulous At Thirty.

Many blessings!

-1.4 Woo hoo!

I'm so excited that I lost this week. I wasn't sure, since the first couple of days were filled with the stuff I couldn't have the rest of the week. But, I did good.

For lent this year, I gave up a lot. I mean come on, Jesus gave his life for us, at the very least, I could give up some of the things that could potentially make my life shorter, for him. So, I gave up sweets (in which I joined carbonated beverages) and fast food. These are things I quickly turn to if I'm in a hurry, hungry, tired, or just convinced that I need something sweet, hungry or not. Instead of filling the listed voids in my life with the listed vices, I will fill them with prayer, fruits, veggies and water. So far so good. And I'm able to teach my very impressionable 4 year old a lesson in faith, discipline and Jesus at the same time! Added bonuses that I didn't plan for, but very welcome!

I decided I won't bore anyone reading this with my food diary anymore, but I am still keeping one, just to myself on paper. In case you want to know what I am doing, since I basically said I'm not going to do anything drastic, to lose weight and get healthy, here it goes. I am not eating sweets, fast food, or drinking soda. I'm limiting my salty intake, and alternating things like chips and pretzels, with healthy portions of nuts. I'm drinking tons and tons of water, and for the occasional caffeine need, I am drinking "awake" tea. Instead of snacking on candies, cookies, or chips, I'm bringing apples, oranges and cheese sticks. Instead of eating hamburgers and fries, I'm eating healthy frozen meals or low calorie soups with crackers for lunch. And for the late night munchies, instead of chocolate cake, I'm eating a bowl of lower calorie cereal like plain ol' cheerios. And when I think I'm hungry, but really shouldn't be, I say a prayer, drink some water, chew a piece of 2.5 calorie gum, and then if I'm still not satisfied, I have one of the snacks mentioned above. During the first week, these small changes were only challenging occasionally, but for the most part, welcome. I feel absolutely great today, with the exception of a minor head cold. I have energy, I'm not bloated, and I feel lighter. I think that it may actually stick this time. Because, I, with God's help, am now in control. I'm not bound by a restricting diet, or counting points. I'm bound by my own choices. And I am the only one who will suffer if I slide. That makes it easy for me!

I also was released by my PT to go to the gym again. I worked out for an hour yesterday, and plan to do so on the days I do not have therapy. I am very excited to be on this mission, with nothing holding me back! I understand that even though the first week was successful, it will not always be like that, but I will keep on keepin' on. And in that, I find peace!

So, week 2, here I come! Can't wait to see what is in store for me.

food diary 2/16

Nothing new to report yet. I'll write more later. Just keeping track of my food!

Banana
Activia
Oatmeal with raisins
gum (2)
nuts
tea
Healthy Choice meal (country herb chicken)
cheese stick
apple
orange
beef pot roast with carrots and potatoes
2 c. 2% milk
1 piece of bread with butter
funsize kitkat
big bowl of chocolate ice cream (last for a very long time)

So yah, I have some obvious things to work on when it comes to my diet. But remember, I said baby steps. I think this has drastically improved from even last week! Notice the absence of Coke and juice! And salty things like chips. And the addition of fruits and veggies. I definitely need to squeeze more veggies into this somewhere. That will happen when I finish everything currently in the cupboards. Fabulous At Thirty is more than just a body makeover, it's a total life make over. I will be working on keeping order in my home, with my finances, and with my health. So, I will not go out and buy a bunch of new stuff when I already have stuff. But, when I do buy stuff, it will be good stuff, I promise.

Until Next Time....

Lori

Feeling especially smart this week

So, it's my first week back to work, after being out for a whopping month and a half. I used to be a morning person, and jump out of bed! Not that I lost being a morning person in my time off, but I certainly stayed up a whole lot later, and my morning just started later. It was my intention to work my way into getting up earlier in the last two weeks, but for some reason, I failed at that attempt. So this week, I'm struggling. I can't fall asleep at night, and then when the alarm goes off at 4:45 for Kenny, I cringe. I manage to crawl out of bed by 5:30, but by then, my morning routine is starting to fall behind. But I refuse to falter on my goals. So, while tired, I've managed to make things happen this week, even though it is only Tuesday. Ask me how I have done on Friday, lol.

And since it is my first week to work....first week back in any sort of a routine, why not pack my schedule super tight and set all of the "realistic" goals for myself! lol. Way to go! But, I keep on chugging away. I've been eating well and taking my vitamins, which I think has helped me feel better, and I've been doing a little workout in the morning, which I think has helped my energy. And I have discovered "AWAKE" tea, which has kept me awake on my less that 6 hours of sleep nights, at work.

Sadly, it is only Tuesday. And it feels like it should be Thursday. But, since it is only Tuesday, I have a lot of exciting things coming up in the next couple of days that should keep things interesting, and hopefully I'll be tired enough to sleep. I think my body is, but my mind, not so much. Perhaps I should introduce some yoga moves into my bedtime routine.

Here is how I have done so far:

Monday, 2-15 Food diary:

Banana
Activia yogurt
Piece of bread with PB
Apple
Pack of nutrition nuts
Healthy choice steamer meal (basil chicken, YUM!)
cheese stick
orange
cup of AWAKE tea
mac n' cheese
green beans
1/2 of a pork chop
2c 2% milk
2 fun size twix

Exercise:
Upper body in the AM
Therapy in the AM
100 crunches on the ball in the PM

Other unstated goals accomplished this week:

Dishes done after dinner
Stuck to dinner menu two days in a row
Brought and ate lunch at work, for 2 days!

So all in all, it's been a good week. I'm thankful for each day that I have to work on these things. After all, they are each days that the Lord has made, so I have to rejoice and be glad in it. So I am rejoicing!

Game on!

Today is my official start date. That also means you get to see me for the first time. And I will also unveil my starting weight. I will also outline my plan. So, let's get started!

First, here I am:



Week 1 plan:

Do upper body workout in the morning. An hour of PT on the knee before work. Log all of my food. Eat 5 fruits and veggies everyday. Do 100 sit ups in the evening.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but when I try to do everything all at once, I fail. So I'm taking baby steps. I want to see what will work and what will not. I want to set myself up for success, not failure. I am going to make this work!

Days until 1/2 marathon training begins: 69

So here we go! On the road to being...

Fabulous At Thirty!

F A T

For the last 20 years, these 3 letters have been a HUGE part of my life. I never saw myself beyond that 3 letter word. I looked in the mirror and saw FAT. The kids at school called me FAT. Boys didn't want me because I was FAT. I couldn't find cute clothes because I was FAT. That word defined me.

In the last few years, I have grown out of that word. Now, I am still FAT. But I have learned that I am beyond that word. I am strong willed, full of love to give, actually loveable, a good friend, a good wife and a good mother. I have confidence in myself, and ambition to better my life. I have worked hard for about a year to lose the part of me that is defined by those 3 letters. It has not been easy. I have worked out, dieted, you name it. It's not easy. And I have no willpower. So that makes it even easier, lol!

So, I have decided that this is it. If I can't do it this year, I'll go to the extreme of weight loss surgery. And since that is not an option for me, I'm going to do it! In January, I had surgery on my left knee. A latteral release. I'm currently rehabing it, and can hopefully get back into the swing of things by Spring. My first huge milestone will be on August 1st, when I walk in my first 1/2 marathon. I'm going to go about it differently this time. I'm not going to diet and count calories, and fall for every new fad on the market. I'm going to eat sensibly, journal what I do, exersise, pray and have fun!

This blog is going to serve as my outlet to share my struggles, my success and my thoughts and feelings. I'm going to share what works, and what doesn't. I'm going to be brutely honest. I'm going to post pictures monthly. And best yet, I going to own the 3 letters that have defined me for much of my life. I'm going to be Fabulous At Thirty!