Picture Perfect.

So here it is. Me. Yup. In ALL my glory. I couldn't have picked a more flattering outfit, huh? Actually, this isn't bad compared to a few years ago. But I'm not worrying about it. I know what it is and I have accepted it. Changes are on the horizon. I have a very expensive goal I have to meet in two short months. So, by Christmas, expect a much different image. Changes are on the horizon not only for my body, but in my heart and mind. Things are just kinda strange these days, and I'm not sure where the road leads, but I'm going to follow it with vigor, hope and faith. I'm excited and scared to experience the changes. But God will lead the way. I will close with a scripture I found last night that is oh so relevant to this season in my life:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5

End of the road, sort of.

For the past month or so, I have been contemplating the last resort I spoke of in my first blog. Weight loss surgery. I've been researching the lap-band, the less invasive procedure. I'm fed up. I keep falling and hurting myself; I'm having foot pain that has literally kept me off of my feet (doctors orders); and I've gained back the measly 4 pounds I've lost since I started this journey.....again. That, and I feel like poop. I can definitely tell I'm not the fit and active Lori that I was last summer. I'm sooo not feeling Fabulous At Thirty. I'm simply feeling fat. And discouraged. So, why not take the easy way out and have surgery.

I have had friends that have had weight loss surgery, and let me tell you, it is certainly not the easy way out. Just ask someone who has had it. I know people, big and small, who assume that it is a cop-out. That the fat person is just too lazy to do it the hard way. But that is far from the truth for most people. Of course there are some who have this surgery who think it is like the fairy waiving the magic wand; poof, your skinny. They had a rude awakening. But weight loss surgery is not easy. It is hard, it requires a lot of work and a lot of discipline to ensure you lose the weight properly. You have to do specific things at specific times and exercise and follow the rules or you can get sick, malnourished and potentially kill yourself. Those are tall orders, just to lose weight. If I do opt to go this route, now would be the time to do it, as I wouldn't have to pay a penny because I've hit my out of pocket for my insurance.

So why not? Seems like an easy decision, right? HARDLY! I'm struggling with it big time for various reasons. 1) I'm not a fan of surgery. 2) I'm not convinced I've actually done everything I can to lose this weight. 3) If I lose just 10 pounds, I'm not even qualified! 4) If I do this, how can I mentor young obese people who would not have this option. 5) Is this God's plan?

Yes, I know. I think too much. I wish I didn't some times, but I have to believe that there is a reason I do. So, I'm going to type through my reasons.

1) Easy. I've had surgery twice now (not including my wisdom teeth), and really am not a fan of the way it makes me feel or the after effects.

2) I talk a lot. I know what to do. I just don't do it. I make a lot of excuses. I have a lot of good excuses too, but sometimes I think I lean too heavily on the good excuses turning them into bad excuses. And if I have not done everything on my own, who is to say that I will do everything necessary for the surgery to be a success? I sure would hate to waste a good surgeons skills and potentially worsen my health, because I can't follow through with anything.

3) If I just lose 1o pounds, I'm not qualified? What? Seriously? YES! Right now I am technically 100 lbs overweight, with a BMI of 43 or something like that. I qualify for surgery right now, based on my BMI. But if I lose 10 pounds, my BMI will drop to 40. At this time, I will only qualify for surgery if I have two medical problems associated with morbid obesity. I currently only have one. Hmmm. And, if I lose just 50 pounds, I am no longer considered morbidly obese. After reading these statistics, something ignited in me.

4) One of the things I have been called to do by our Heavenly Father is to work with obese children. I know this isn't in my head, because I hear this calling all the time. It's God telling me get your mind right Lori, it's time to make a change so you can finally answer your calling. I feel like I am being disobedient right now. A stubborn child with my own, or lack there of, agenda. How can I help young children change their ways, when I cannot even do it myself. As I drive down the street in a poor area in Birmingham stuffing my face with the Hardees breakfast sandwich and tub of coke, I see an entire family of morbidly obese people, right down to the 2 year old who looked to be about 5. What is wrong with me? I have the resources to make a change for myself. These people do not. I know better, they probably don't. But what am I doing? Sabotaging myself as I fill my body with this nasty stuff that is convenient. Not cool. I have heard my calling. Many people wait years or an entire lifetime for this, but not me. I heard it. And I'm not doing anything about it but thinking. I need to start acting, and I don't think that weight loss surgery is what God had planned for me. If I can't do what I need to help our future do, how can I help them?

5) Finally, is this God's plan for me? Or is this the convenient Hardees breakfast sandwich option? Yes, it would be convenient to have this helping hand in my weight loss journey. But is it obedient? There are people who have this surgery because they need it. It's life or death for them. It's not life or death for me. I think I can do this on my own. I just need to dedicate myself to it. I know this, so why is it so hard?

And that's it. 5 reasons why I'm not sure I should go this route. I think it is pretty clear. But yet, I still don't know what I am going to do. What now?

Here is the plan. I am going to give myself 25 days to do everything right. I'm going to allow myself margin for error. I'm going to plan for my weaknesses. I'm going to exercise everyday, in some form. I'm going to include my family and anyone who reads this on my journey. I'm going to count my calories, and log my workouts. I'm going to pray before every meal. I'm going to pray for God to help the food I eat nourish my body and for Him to nourish my soul so that I am not hungry. I'm going to discipline myself. I'm going to journal, every day. I'm not going to have any expectations at the end of my 25 days other than to do what I said I'm going to do. If I can do this, and I lose weight and disqualify myself for surgery, then there is my answer. If I do this and I don't lose any weight, and am still qualified for this surgery, I will schedule and appointment next month. This is my challenge to myself. If I can follow through with this and know I did everything within my power to help myself, then I will know what I am supposed to do in the end. And it will be spirit led. Because if God wants me to do it on my own, he will help me. If God wants me to seek the help of his skilled servants, then he will lead me there. But it's not up to me. I don't get to make this decision for myself.

So, if you read this, I ask you to pray for me. And if you love me, I ask you to remember that when I'm not so nice during parts of this challenge. Because I'm sure this isn't going to be easy. I've never regimented myself this strictly before, nor have I followed through with something so stringent. But it has never been more important than it is right now.

Up a little

So last week it appears I gained slightly. Nothing too alarming. It was basically because of my lack of healthy eating at dinner, and lack of exercise. I forgive myself though. And will do better this week.

This week, I've decided to start counting calories. Since I joined the pound for pound challenge, I don't want to let the food bank down. So a little bit of discipline is in order. Counting calories is so not hard when you use www.sparkpeople.com nutrition tracker. It makes it easy, and most every food you can eat, good, bad or otherwise are already loaded. My goal is to stay around 1600 calories a day, and burn at least 300 at the gym on the days I actually make it there. I also want to make a better effort to work out at home on the days that I am not. I ordered a new workout dvd that I get to try free for 21 days. I will give that a shot when it arrives next week, but until then. I need to really get to the gym more often. After all, my first 5K on May 29th is just around the corner.

Already this week, I have been reminded of who is in charge. And, it most definitely isn't me. Thank GOD for GOD and JESUS. Because without them, and without faith, I would be nothing. If I have learned anything from this journey, it is that with God, anything is possible. And when I let go and let God, miracles happen. And miracles come in all shapes and sizes. I will be thankful for every single blessing, big or small that I run into.

Alright, family is home which means mommy break is officially over. Time to read books, go for a walk, eat dinner, and rejoice in the rest of this day!

-1.4 Woo hoo!

I'm so excited that I lost this week. I wasn't sure, since the first couple of days were filled with the stuff I couldn't have the rest of the week. But, I did good.

For lent this year, I gave up a lot. I mean come on, Jesus gave his life for us, at the very least, I could give up some of the things that could potentially make my life shorter, for him. So, I gave up sweets (in which I joined carbonated beverages) and fast food. These are things I quickly turn to if I'm in a hurry, hungry, tired, or just convinced that I need something sweet, hungry or not. Instead of filling the listed voids in my life with the listed vices, I will fill them with prayer, fruits, veggies and water. So far so good. And I'm able to teach my very impressionable 4 year old a lesson in faith, discipline and Jesus at the same time! Added bonuses that I didn't plan for, but very welcome!

I decided I won't bore anyone reading this with my food diary anymore, but I am still keeping one, just to myself on paper. In case you want to know what I am doing, since I basically said I'm not going to do anything drastic, to lose weight and get healthy, here it goes. I am not eating sweets, fast food, or drinking soda. I'm limiting my salty intake, and alternating things like chips and pretzels, with healthy portions of nuts. I'm drinking tons and tons of water, and for the occasional caffeine need, I am drinking "awake" tea. Instead of snacking on candies, cookies, or chips, I'm bringing apples, oranges and cheese sticks. Instead of eating hamburgers and fries, I'm eating healthy frozen meals or low calorie soups with crackers for lunch. And for the late night munchies, instead of chocolate cake, I'm eating a bowl of lower calorie cereal like plain ol' cheerios. And when I think I'm hungry, but really shouldn't be, I say a prayer, drink some water, chew a piece of 2.5 calorie gum, and then if I'm still not satisfied, I have one of the snacks mentioned above. During the first week, these small changes were only challenging occasionally, but for the most part, welcome. I feel absolutely great today, with the exception of a minor head cold. I have energy, I'm not bloated, and I feel lighter. I think that it may actually stick this time. Because, I, with God's help, am now in control. I'm not bound by a restricting diet, or counting points. I'm bound by my own choices. And I am the only one who will suffer if I slide. That makes it easy for me!

I also was released by my PT to go to the gym again. I worked out for an hour yesterday, and plan to do so on the days I do not have therapy. I am very excited to be on this mission, with nothing holding me back! I understand that even though the first week was successful, it will not always be like that, but I will keep on keepin' on. And in that, I find peace!

So, week 2, here I come! Can't wait to see what is in store for me.

food diary 2/16

Nothing new to report yet. I'll write more later. Just keeping track of my food!

Banana
Activia
Oatmeal with raisins
gum (2)
nuts
tea
Healthy Choice meal (country herb chicken)
cheese stick
apple
orange
beef pot roast with carrots and potatoes
2 c. 2% milk
1 piece of bread with butter
funsize kitkat
big bowl of chocolate ice cream (last for a very long time)

So yah, I have some obvious things to work on when it comes to my diet. But remember, I said baby steps. I think this has drastically improved from even last week! Notice the absence of Coke and juice! And salty things like chips. And the addition of fruits and veggies. I definitely need to squeeze more veggies into this somewhere. That will happen when I finish everything currently in the cupboards. Fabulous At Thirty is more than just a body makeover, it's a total life make over. I will be working on keeping order in my home, with my finances, and with my health. So, I will not go out and buy a bunch of new stuff when I already have stuff. But, when I do buy stuff, it will be good stuff, I promise.

Until Next Time....

Lori

Feeling especially smart this week

So, it's my first week back to work, after being out for a whopping month and a half. I used to be a morning person, and jump out of bed! Not that I lost being a morning person in my time off, but I certainly stayed up a whole lot later, and my morning just started later. It was my intention to work my way into getting up earlier in the last two weeks, but for some reason, I failed at that attempt. So this week, I'm struggling. I can't fall asleep at night, and then when the alarm goes off at 4:45 for Kenny, I cringe. I manage to crawl out of bed by 5:30, but by then, my morning routine is starting to fall behind. But I refuse to falter on my goals. So, while tired, I've managed to make things happen this week, even though it is only Tuesday. Ask me how I have done on Friday, lol.

And since it is my first week to work....first week back in any sort of a routine, why not pack my schedule super tight and set all of the "realistic" goals for myself! lol. Way to go! But, I keep on chugging away. I've been eating well and taking my vitamins, which I think has helped me feel better, and I've been doing a little workout in the morning, which I think has helped my energy. And I have discovered "AWAKE" tea, which has kept me awake on my less that 6 hours of sleep nights, at work.

Sadly, it is only Tuesday. And it feels like it should be Thursday. But, since it is only Tuesday, I have a lot of exciting things coming up in the next couple of days that should keep things interesting, and hopefully I'll be tired enough to sleep. I think my body is, but my mind, not so much. Perhaps I should introduce some yoga moves into my bedtime routine.

Here is how I have done so far:

Monday, 2-15 Food diary:

Banana
Activia yogurt
Piece of bread with PB
Apple
Pack of nutrition nuts
Healthy choice steamer meal (basil chicken, YUM!)
cheese stick
orange
cup of AWAKE tea
mac n' cheese
green beans
1/2 of a pork chop
2c 2% milk
2 fun size twix

Exercise:
Upper body in the AM
Therapy in the AM
100 crunches on the ball in the PM

Other unstated goals accomplished this week:

Dishes done after dinner
Stuck to dinner menu two days in a row
Brought and ate lunch at work, for 2 days!

So all in all, it's been a good week. I'm thankful for each day that I have to work on these things. After all, they are each days that the Lord has made, so I have to rejoice and be glad in it. So I am rejoicing!

Game on!

Today is my official start date. That also means you get to see me for the first time. And I will also unveil my starting weight. I will also outline my plan. So, let's get started!

First, here I am:



Week 1 plan:

Do upper body workout in the morning. An hour of PT on the knee before work. Log all of my food. Eat 5 fruits and veggies everyday. Do 100 sit ups in the evening.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but when I try to do everything all at once, I fail. So I'm taking baby steps. I want to see what will work and what will not. I want to set myself up for success, not failure. I am going to make this work!

Days until 1/2 marathon training begins: 69

So here we go! On the road to being...

Fabulous At Thirty!

F A T

For the last 20 years, these 3 letters have been a HUGE part of my life. I never saw myself beyond that 3 letter word. I looked in the mirror and saw FAT. The kids at school called me FAT. Boys didn't want me because I was FAT. I couldn't find cute clothes because I was FAT. That word defined me.

In the last few years, I have grown out of that word. Now, I am still FAT. But I have learned that I am beyond that word. I am strong willed, full of love to give, actually loveable, a good friend, a good wife and a good mother. I have confidence in myself, and ambition to better my life. I have worked hard for about a year to lose the part of me that is defined by those 3 letters. It has not been easy. I have worked out, dieted, you name it. It's not easy. And I have no willpower. So that makes it even easier, lol!

So, I have decided that this is it. If I can't do it this year, I'll go to the extreme of weight loss surgery. And since that is not an option for me, I'm going to do it! In January, I had surgery on my left knee. A latteral release. I'm currently rehabing it, and can hopefully get back into the swing of things by Spring. My first huge milestone will be on August 1st, when I walk in my first 1/2 marathon. I'm going to go about it differently this time. I'm not going to diet and count calories, and fall for every new fad on the market. I'm going to eat sensibly, journal what I do, exersise, pray and have fun!

This blog is going to serve as my outlet to share my struggles, my success and my thoughts and feelings. I'm going to share what works, and what doesn't. I'm going to be brutely honest. I'm going to post pictures monthly. And best yet, I going to own the 3 letters that have defined me for much of my life. I'm going to be Fabulous At Thirty!