Here we are, the night before my deadline for making a decision is up. To call the surgeon or not to call. That is the question. And the answer is.....not yet. July has been one heck of a month. It started off with an unexpected death in the family. Then travel. Then two weeks away from life as we know it; from our comfy routine. Two weeks of very easy excuses to fail. Then we came back. We didn't go grocery shopping that entire first week, so we ate out 5 out of 7 nights; some days for me, 3 different meals! Then our babysitters gave their notice. Then I have the stress of finding a new childcare arrangement. Oh, and getting behind on school work and then this and then that and then this and that, and what do you call it??? OH....LIFE! Ha. Wasn't my last blog about how life gets in the way?
So a lesson learned this month is I need to be better equipped to handle the unplanned. Could I have handled my challenges differently? Absolutely! Do I know what I did wrong? Yup. Do I know what I am going to do to change things? Not completely. But I do know what I am going to do to try.
My biggest struggle right now is time. I just go with the motions. I wake up and drag my tail for an hour before I realize I'm about to be late. Then I go to work, do my thing, rush home starving, snack while I make dinner then eat super fast only to be hungry within an hour. Then I play on the computer, do school work and go to bed, only to start the vicious cycle again the next day. The one piece missing is the 30 minutes of exercise I need to move forward with my goals. Where the heck can that go? What really needs to happen, is I need to set the alarm, drag my rear out of bed and go to the gym. If I can get myself back into that early rising routine, I could potentially get my workout in and at least part of my school work done before the sun even rises. This would allow me to spend less time on this laptop at night, more time with the kiddos and get to bed earlier so I can do it all the next day.
This is why I am requesting an extension. I need to give myself one more month. I have until September to make the call. That will still give me the necessary 3 months of supervised dieting I need, and still have the procedure done this year so I don't have to pay for it. And I am going to try. I really am. I don't feel like I tried last month. I didn't give myself a fair shot. I had a lot of curve balls. I didn't dodge them very well. I wasn't very graceful in my actions. I didn't pray much at all, or relinquish control to the Lord, in respect to weight loss anyway.
So I'm going to stick to my plan of not making plans. I will do my best to eat well, workout, and try to get my life back in order after an entirely chaotic month. I am going to embrace my challenges faithfully and by the Grace of God. I am going to remember why this is important and who is really in control. I'm going to pray and pray and pray more. I'm going to seek guidance instead of giving in to temptation.
It is not easy to change. And contrary to popular belief, you can't just wake up in the morning to everything being perfect. Point is, I know I am not perfect, and I am perfectly okay with that. I know I am a work in progress. I know God has a plan for me, and that I am the only road block. I know that when I worry, I am only setting myself back. I realize my weaknesses. And I realize the seriousness of them. I can feel God smacking me upside my head. I just need to do something about it before he has to take drastic measures.
My prayer for this month is simple. Lord, please forgive me for my weaknesses. Thank you for your unconditional love and forgiveness. Thank you for the plans you have for me. Help me be a faithful child. Help me open my eyes, heart and mind to the path you have laid for me. Help me listen for you when I feel tempted to walk backwards. Thank you for giving me another chance, every single day. In your Holy Name I pray, Amen.
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