Motivation is.....

So the last several weeks in our home have been challenging. Between the husband's extensive travel for work and mission, my travel for work and the kids Spring break, it's been a trip trying to stay on track. And while I have done well, I have not been on top of my game. So today I took a little time to reflect on my journey of the last couple of months.

Looking back, I (re)started this journey in February. Since then, I have lost 13 pounds. And in the past two weeks where it has been the most challenging, though I didn't lose any more, I didn't gain. Why? Well, Even though I didn't make the best choices, I was very conscious of the choices I made. And I did my best to stay active with the tools I had.

A few of the highlights were buying a new swimsuit (which I actually have to replace already cause' it's too big!) , I went down a pants size and I lost weight. The low lights were, it still sucks to shop. BIG TIME. And I was not consistent enough with my diet to optimize my results. But, I'm going to focus on the highlights and think about what will motivate me to keep succeeding on this journey for the remainder of the year!

Over the last couple of days, I found myself browsing old pictures from various events in the past couple of years. And I was totally psyched that I can actually see the results of my hard work. I was appalled that I let myself go that far and excited that I am making such great progress. Yesterday I had the joy of shopping for Easter. Actually, that wasn't really joyful at all. And I got approval to buy another big piece of fitness equipment (an elliptical machine), but I weigh to much for anything in the affordable range. (Ugh! That alone carries enough weight for an entire blog post of its own!)

As we close one month and begin another, my motivation will be to continue to look better in pictures, to start to LOVE shopping, and to lose enough weight to buy that elliptical machine before then end of the summer.

Y'all I am so excited about this journey. In gazillions (or dozens) of my previous blog posts and conversations in the past year, I fully acknowledge that this is a long process. But I don't think I've ever really embraced it. It's a hard pill to swallow. It sucks to be fat! Well, it sucks to be fat and want to change. It takes soooo long. But now I've embraced that it is going to take a loooooonnng time. And I've accepted the fact that if I'm going to do this, I'm going to have to stick with it for the long haul. Forever, really because it is a total lifestyle change. But I think I've got the right tools and the right people on my team to make it happen for real. I'm ready. I'm going to do this. I feel it in my bones and I love it!

Happy Easter, and may the new month bring all things bright and beautiful.

~Mommylah~

 

The Little things!

So, we were supposed to hang out at a hotel tonight and play in the pool waiting for daddy's very late flight to get in. (Change of plans-broken pool) And in order to swim, one needs a swimming suit. That is something I have not invested in, in years. I had a couple that did the job in the event that we ever needed them, but have not been willing to buy a new one because, well.... ick! Not a fun thought.

But, this time was different. I felt it was necessary. Not only because of tonight, but because a large part of our spring break next week revolves around swimming. So I took a leap of faith, found a super cute suit online and spent way more money than I'm comfortable with, taking a risk that it might be perfect. And guess what????

Well, I read the reviews, and I was kind of nervous. Everyone said that it ran small, it was stiff, and not a good fit for a tall full figured woman. I didn't care, it was cute. I loved it. But I didn't want to order a size bigger, so I ordered my size. And IT FIT! Actually, it was slightly big. AND it looked good! Actually, great!! Now I'm no swimsuit model, so fear not, I will not post a picture. But I will tell you that I am gonna wear that thing with confidence. For the first time in probably 10 years (since my honeymoon) I am not embarrassed to strut my stuff in a bathing suit. And it's not because I'm super hot. And I really have not lost that much weight. But I feel better. I feel confident and comfortable in my own skin. And I can only credit my change in lifestyle for that.

So the moral of my story is, even if the results are not immediate, and you don't look like a super model after seven weeks of consistent effort, it doesn't matter. If you feel better about yourself it makes all the difference in the world. It's the little things, friends. Take them as they come! And enjoy every single victory, no matter how small or silly they may seem.

Now off to enjoy my kiddos in the movie theater wearing 3D glasses instead of the hotel in my awesome swimsuit. But I'm gonna keep smiling at the thought of wearing it next week. :-)

~Mommylah~

Game on!

Guess what? I hit my first (short term) goal! This is a huge deal because while I'm really good at hitting goals professionally, I am not so much personally. So what was my first (ST) goal you ask? Well, it was to fit into the airplane seat belt without having to use a seat belt extension. Last year, I was so embarrassed when I had to ask the flight attendant for help in front of my peers. Six weeks ago when I started training, I decided that last year was the last time. And I did it! So, I lost almost 10 lbs, dropped a pant size and fit into an airplane seat. So awesome. I'm psyched! My confidence has increased, I feel great and I'm empowered to continue on this losing path.

But it is not all easy. I still lack self esteem in some areas. Like what I wear, and exercising in public. I'm so ready to be over this! A life of being the fat girl and never really fitting in with anyone is hard to overcome. I still feel the discriminating looks of others who have no idea what it feels like to be the minority. Grant it, I don't experience it as much as I used to. And some of it might still be in my head, but I can't say for certain. Let me explain. For the past week, I was at a trade show for my employer who has a very consistent taste for hiring people in my current role. Let me tell you, they look nothing like me. They are recent college grads, excellent athletes; football players and cheerleaders. They have great hair, great measurements, bubbly personalities and can be trained into great sellers. They definitely turn heads, the guys and gals. And you might think this is my insecurity speaking; it might be, a little. But it was very obvious when I partnered with one of them to walk the trade show floor. We visited booths where I previously stopped earlier in the day and was barely acknowledged....not for my lack of bubbly personality, I tell you. All of the sudden the reps were interrupting conversations with others just to talk to us. Well, one of us anyway. And on the bus, this was actually quite amusing. The married men who apparently did not view me as a threat sat with me and we had lovely conversations. The women as I described previously and the male counterparts on my team, would sit on each others laps rather that sit next to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if I get noticed. I'm happily married and I'm more than happy to work hard to be accepted. But I know there are others who are eaten alive by this every single day. I used to be one of them. And it does creep up on me every now and then. Like on a day I don't work out or am not feeling well. All of those insure thoughts creep back into my head. I'm not sure if that will ever go away, even if I do hit all of my goals. The idea that I can diminish the insecurity is definitely a motivator.

So that brings me to my next short term goal. London is less than a month away, and I have a new wardrobe to buy! I have to buy a new formal dress, and some really cute digs to strut around town in. I want to look great and feel great. I don't know how to make this a measurable goal, but I'll take a stab at it. I'd like to be at least one dress size smaller and be able to fit into and look great in an adorable blue polka dot dress I purchased several months ago. And when we are at the hotel in London, I want to work out in the fitness center with confidence when there are other people present.

This is a long road and I get that. Changes I am making are not easy. My diet leaves much to be desired. But I've overcome a big challenge already and am starting my 7th week of this journey. And I have never been so excited to see how it unfolds. I want to be a billboard for other women like me; hard working, married mothers who have so much on their plate that they constantly put themselves second. I want to show everyone that they are worth the extra time, stress and effort it takes to put themselves first. And how when they finally figure that out, they will be so much more to the people that they work so hard for than they ever thought possible. It is not easy to reverse history. I want to walk the isles of that trade show next year and turn heads. Not because of my measurements but because of my new found confidence and security in who I am as a person. And I want to take someone with me. So GAME ON  baby. I'm so pumped and ready to continue. Will you come with me?

Why this time is different

Today, I finished my 10th session with my trainer. That is five weeks of going twice a week for an hour, and working out at least three more days. This is huge people, and let me tell you why.

If you know me, you know that I have been on this journey of wellness or weight loss or whatever you want to call it, for a very long time. If you don't know me, well, I have been on this journey for a very L O N G time. Just look back at this blog. I started it the year I turned 30. So, that is what, three years or something?(Yeah, I don't do numbers) And that is only since I began this blog!! During this time, I have started a ton of stuff; Joined a gym, registered for races, bought exercise equipment, bought workout clothes, joined weight watchers (a couple of times), purchased diet pills and diet plans. You name it, if it is on the market, I've probably tried it. But the life span of these experiments never really extended past three or four weeks. Last year I was probably the most committed (until now) than I ever was. I even registered to run in my first half marathon. Then (insert excuse) I got hurt. And I gave up. It was simple. And then I grew. But not in the way I'm proud of.

So why is it different this time you ask? Well allow me to explain. It has been F I V E weeks. Five weeks of commitment. Five weeks of working out, five days a week. And I have not made that much progress. Okay, maybe I have. I've lost a pants size. And according to the weight on my wellness challenge from church, and the scale I stepped on this morning, I have lost (gasp!) 10 lbs! But normally, this would not be enough for me around week four and I'd quit. Make an excuse. Say I'd start again tomorrow and indulge in a big brownie or ice cream sundae. But not this time!

I've had to fight myself to push forward. There have been days when that ice cream sundae could have solved world peace. But I fought through. The first four weeks, I did suck bad with my diet. This week was really the determining factor. It is usually the time I give up. However, I decided last week that I would make no more excuses. I made a meal plan, cleaned my kitchen, and committed to sticking with it. It was not easy either. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to order pizza. Or go to McDonald's. Or just not eat at all. But I did. Prepared dinner every night, according to plan. Brought my lunch everyday, according to plan. Worked out when I had absolutely no desire to do so. I cannot tell you how amazing that feels!

When I left my trainer this morning, I wanted to jump for joy! I love her to death. She believes in me and motivates me. I wish I had that much confidence in myself! But she has enough for both of us. I cannot believe I made it this far, however next week will present a whole new challenge. I will be on my own for my workouts, everyday in a hotel with a gazillion strangers. Totally out of my comfort zone. Well, if I have made it this far, I'll be damned if I'm going to give up now! I will workout, I will eat right and I will come back ready to kick it up a notch. Because in exactly one month I will get on another plane to London, and I will be going shopping before we leave! Cause I'm going to kick ass preparing, and work myself out of a wardrobe.

The moral of this story is.....get over that hump. Whatever it is that is holding you back, get over it. Do not give up. When it gets hard, work harder. One week is big. Two weeks is bigger. Three weeks is huge. Four weeks is amazing. Five weeks is HARD. But that sixth week will be so amazing so push on through and rock your wellness goals! You are worth it!

~Mommylah~

Full of Excuses

It is hard to believe that today begins the fifth week of my investment in me. So that means for four weeks, I have been working hard. It has been fun, awakening and exhausting. For the most part, I think I have done well. I diligently worked out at least five times a week, and tried to motivate other people along the way. But food....Ha! Food is an entirely different story. Life became more complicated around the time I began this journey! So began the excuses.

Around the time I started with my trainer, my husband finally got a new job. We were so excited; It was a LOOONNNGG three months of him warming his recliner. But the timing couldn't have been worse. He officially started in the middle of the month when they sent him off to the cold tundra of Illinois.....(I know, I know, in comparison to some places, it's not that bad. And he is a Yankee. But, he's been in Bama for six years, so to him, it was like going to Antarctica).......He has been in training for the past two weeks and won't be home until the end of the week. During this time, I had a calendar full of responsibilities above and beyond my normal duties. So for the last two long weeks I have been mommy, daddy, housewife, sales person, president of something, meeting organizer, problem solver, fixer of broken things, bill payer, student, master procrastinator and major slacker but expert excuse maker.

I had a plan. If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know I had a plan. And you know how well I stick to my plans. At least that is consistent. I didn't stick to my plan. Instead, I overwhelmed myself with a gazillion things I had to do, none of which included a healthy meal plan. And oh, did I tell you I gave up meat for 40 days during this time too? Yah. I know, I'm a genius. My diet has looked like this.

Breakfast- whatever I can grab that doesn't have meat.
Lunch- Shit, I forgot.
Dinner- Too tired to even think about it so whatever the kids talk me into.

My calorie intake was no where near what it should be. My nutrition level....well, there pretty much was no nutrition. When I finally did eat, it wasn't pretty y'all. And I just chalked it up to being busy. Even my trainer didn't hound me about it. My weight loss buddies all understood. "You're so busy" "You're doing a great job." "Don't be so hard on yourself." "It's so hard." But really, it is not. I just made excuses. "I can't do this because I'm too tired." "I can't do that because I don't have time." I can't, I can't I can't. So the results? Well, by the Grace of God, I didn't gain. In fact, as of today I've lost 6-8 lbs depending on the scale I stand on. I even went down a pants size. But, I've been working out five times a week for four weeks. Surely I could have had better results if I just put a little effort into it. And while I feel better physically, my energy levels have not been where they should be for the amount of work I've been doing. Anything I lost was truly a fluke. I'm grateful I didn't gain! And it certainly isn't going to last if I don't get my shit together!

So I'm done making excuses. I'm investing way to much into this journey. And I want to rock an adorable polka dot dress and some red high heals in London, darn it! And that is just over a month away. Boy, life doesn't seem to be slowing down to wait on me to get my ducks in a row. Kenny is gone for one more week, then I go to Orlando, then he goes to Honduras, then the kids and I will go on spring break, then it's London time. But, no more excuses. I've got to do this, and do it right. I am determined to make this the last year of really good ideas that I don't follow through on. I will lose this weight once and for all. I will live up to being Fabulous at (or in my) Thirties. I am worth it. My kids are worth it. The people that I will inspire along the way are worth it. It's time to make this happen for real.

And of course I have a plan. Well, not really. Kind of. Maybe. Alright, not exactly. I have a plan to try my hardest to make the best choices with what I've got. If that means I have to spend a little more money to make healthy choices more manageable, then so be it. If it means I need to cancel some of my agenda to prioritize a healthier lifestyle for myself and my kids, then that is what I'm going to do. I doubt the people I swear are counting on me will be upset. They'll probably be relieved! I've been told I exhaust people with the schedule I keep. I'm not going to pen my plan on paper. I'm going to wing it, but with much gusto. And when I report back in another month, I hope that my new pants are falling down and I won't fit into that fabulous dress.....I will have to buy a smaller one!

That's all for now. Final thoughts? Don't make excuses. Find a way.  You are worth it!

~Mommylah~