Regress

Well, I am back. Happy New Year! Unfortunatley, I do not come bearing good news. Progress was apparently not in my vocabulary last year. Regress, a relatively new word to me, well, that I am using anyway, is. Instead of losing weight, I gained it back! And now, though I said it would never happen, I am back over the 300 mark. As I go back through some of my older posts, I realized something. Man, does it look good on paper (or a computer screen in this case) I am great at setting goals, great at telling stories, great at dreaming; I am not great at following through.....with anything. I do not know what to do about this, except pray for direction. But I'm not really good at that either. So, I am declaring this year, 2011 a year of new beginnings. And truly it is.

On the very first day of this year, we moved our family into a house. It is not ours, but we will be here for as long as the landlords will keep us. I am beginning a different direction in my job. I am an established student. I am taking on more responsibility in church. Or on more commities, which usually amounts to more responsibilty. And with all of this I have a renound sense of peace and faith. While I did not accomplish my weight loss goals last year, I would not say it was a total loss. I learned a lot about my faith, my church family and how God works. I think that is where the peace part comes in. So I think I will leverage some of that in my weight loss journey.

This year, weight loss is not just something I want to do. It is something I HAVE to do. I went to the doctor late last year fearing the worse. My blood pressure symptoms were all over the place, I looked up every symptom I thought I had on webMB and convinced myself I have it all. Everything an obese person should have. But, much to my surprise (and relief) with the exception of my BP (which was not even high when I went, after two days without meds) I am perfectly healthy. I do not feel that way though. I have a laundry list of things I want to accomplish, things I want to do. There is this heavy weight holding back this reality though. No, really, HEAVY WEIGHT. When I was 25, it didn't bother me. But today it does. I feel it. It hurts to move, to breathe, to walk. It's hard to get up from chairs, it's hard to hold my kids. I can't get comfortable in bed, I have heartburn. All of these things are because of my HEAVY WEIGHT! It's true! Because I'm perfectly healthy except for that. I am not, however, naive enough to think that I will stay that way if I continue on the path I am on.

So what to do with this newly found intellegence? Heck if I know. I am going to put it back on the top of the list though. It has to take a priortiy, right up there after my prayer life. I have to take control. I need to feel good and remain healthy if I am to follow the path God has led me on. While I don't know what this is completely, I know I can't do it like this.

Here we go again. A new beginning. A fresh start. A rekindled flame. A necessity. I'm not setting goals, because I suck at them. I am going to take babysteps. So much in my life is in sync right now. I finally feel like I have control over our home, our finances, our relationships. Actually, I don't have control....I've relingquished control. I'm just a manager. God's really in control. But the one thing that is poorly managed is back on the top of the list. I'm know I'm F.A.T......fabulous at thirty that is. But, I no longer want to be the other meaning of that three letter F word. So, as I pray, I hope you will too. Not sure what this will look like yet, but I know I'm not alone on my journey, and I look forward to seeing what lies ahead.