Eight Weeks

Tomorrow I will start training for my 2nd 8K race. http://www.runawayrace.com/ I am fortunate enough to work for a company that sponsors this race, so my entry is covered. Last year, I trained for about two weeks, and pushed my two kids in my jogging stroller up the steepest hill I have ever walked. And I finished the race in under two hours. And I evaded any major injury and even soreness! Needless to say, I was on a major high. I totally believed I was capable of doing a half-marathon this past August. This was the last race before my knee surgery. And I didn't do the 1/2 marathon.

This year, I get to participate in the race with my husband. He will be pushing the considerably bigger kids this time. And this year, I will train for 8 full weeks. My lofty goal is to finish the race in one hour. Considering I barely completed my 5K two weeks ago in under an hour, it is a hugely lofty goal. A more realistic goal is an hour and a half. I hope to be able to jog a bit of this race, and I hope to finish at least close to my husband, if not with. Most of all, I hope to finish!

So, my prayer for the next eight weeks goes a little like this:

Lord, please take away my ability to make excuses. Please help me get through the next eight weeks and my 8K race healthy and injury free. Please walk with me as I know you will, as I prepare to do this the right way. And help me finish the race with as much pride and joy as I did the last. Each step is a step in faith and dedication to the life you have blessed me with, and on the path you have paved for me.

Amen!

I am the one on the far right with the kiddos. :)

Conclusion

I know it's a little premature, since there are still two more weeks left in this month, but when God speaks, it's not on my terms. So with that, I've received three answers to prayers this week:

1) I'm not going to have surgery.
2) I can't do this alone.
3) I will succeed, but I must be faithful, committed and believe in myself.

With these answers, I have found some direction. I'm relieved that I can take surgery off of the table. I didn't really want to do it. To me, it was a way out. And if can't do it on my own, I probably won't do it after surgery either. I can't do this on my own. I just can't. I'm not strong willed enough. I'm competitive by nature, and alone, I have no competition. I am not disciplined enough. I don't have strong enough willpower. These are all things that I can change, but they won't happen overnight, so to do this, I must seek guidance. And not just from the Lord, but from those whom he has blessed with the gifts to help people like me. So, I'm going back to Weight Watchers. I've been successful there before, but never stuck with it. It's easy for me, because I have a room full of people who are going through the same struggles as I am, and it doesn't matter if they have one or 100 pounds to lose. They will hold me accountable, because I have to weigh-in every week. They cheer for you when you lose :) I blush like a fool, and claim to hate recognition, but it really does make me want to keep going! And I want to be a success story. I would love to be the one leading a weight watchers meeting. This is not a new thing for me. I can remember the very first weight watchers meeting I ever went to when I was in my early 20's, in Illinois. That woman stood up there with that picture of herself (my size) and said if I can do it you can. Ever since that, I have wanted that job. I think it is part of my calling to help women and children. I would love to be a motivational speaker, showing the ordinary person she can do extraordinary things like lose the weight of her two kids or more! And I know I can do it. I will do it. I will succeed, I will be patient, and I will be committed, and I will be successful. I'm not going to put a start or finish goal on this journey. I hope it's sooner than later. But it's not on my time. It will happen and I will continue to listen for the directions of God, and follow this path he has paved for me. And I'm at peace with that.

Day one of the last month before D-day

So, since I can't do AM school work on Monday's (no one posts anything for me to respond to this early in the morning on the first day of the week in class) I decided to blog. Saturday is the Woodstock 5K. This will be the second time I have done this. After last year I vowed to train better. Last year, I just dilly dallied around all week and went into the 5K which nearly killed me by the end of that hot, hilly, humid 3.1 miles. And I just walked! This year, I didn't do as I had hoped in training well for weeks before. But I will make an attempt to prepare myself as good as possible this week. So that means, with mom'ing, schooling, work and life in general, my workouts will take place before the sun rises. Because I'm not totally recovered from my many injuries to my knee, and my silly foot that feels the need to make itself known, I need to make sure I include my physical therapy in my training. This morning, the alarm went off at 4:30. I rolled out of bed, yawning thinking I am crazy (no need for confirmation, thanks), and put my cup of tea in the microwave. I rolled out my mat on laid on the floor to begin my exercises. They took me all of 10 minutes so I completed the routine with 100 crunches.  Then I got up, changed into my public appropriate workout clothes, drank my tea and headed out the door. I decided to turn the radio off and have a conversation with God on my way to the gym. That led me to make a wrong turn, lol. I guess I can't multitask that early in the morning. When I finally arrived, I pushed through a hilly interval on the elliptical, and after 30 minutes and 1.10 miles I managed to burn 453 calories. Not bad start to the day. Now, to continue this mission for the rest of the week. I can and I will....I have to!

Happy first week of August, friends!

Extension, please.

Here we are, the night before my deadline for making a decision is up. To call the surgeon or not to call. That is the question. And the answer is.....not yet. July has been one heck of a month. It started off with an unexpected death in the family. Then travel. Then two weeks away from life as we know it; from our comfy routine. Two weeks of very easy excuses to fail. Then we came back. We didn't go grocery shopping that entire first week, so we ate out 5 out of 7 nights; some days for me, 3 different meals! Then our babysitters gave their notice. Then I have the stress of finding a new childcare arrangement. Oh, and getting behind on school work and then this and then that and then this and that, and what do you call it??? OH....LIFE! Ha. Wasn't my last blog about how life gets in the way?

So a lesson learned this month is I need to be better equipped to handle the unplanned. Could I have handled my challenges differently? Absolutely! Do I know what I did wrong? Yup. Do I know what I am going to do to change things? Not completely. But I do know what I am going to do to try.

My biggest struggle right now is time. I just go with the motions. I wake up and drag my tail for an hour before I realize I'm about to be late. Then I go to work, do my thing, rush home starving, snack while I make dinner then eat super fast only to be hungry within an hour. Then I play on the computer, do school work and go to bed, only to start the vicious cycle again the next day. The one piece missing is the 30 minutes of exercise I need to move forward with my goals. Where the heck can that go? What really needs to happen, is I need to set the alarm, drag my rear out of bed and go to the gym. If I can get myself back into that early rising routine, I could potentially get my workout in and at least part of my school work done before the sun even rises. This would allow me to spend less time on this laptop at night, more time with the kiddos and get to bed earlier so I can do it all the next day.

This is why I am requesting an extension. I need to give myself one more month. I have until September to make the call. That will still give me the necessary 3 months of supervised dieting I need, and still have the procedure done this year so I don't have to pay for it. And I am going to try. I really am. I don't feel like I tried last month. I didn't give myself a fair shot. I had a lot of curve balls. I didn't dodge them very well. I wasn't very graceful in my actions. I didn't pray much at all, or relinquish control to the Lord, in respect to weight loss anyway.

So I'm going to stick to my plan of not making plans. I will do my best to eat well, workout, and try to get my life back in order after an entirely chaotic month. I am going to embrace my challenges faithfully and by the Grace of God. I am going to remember why this is important and who is really in control. I'm going to pray and pray and pray more. I'm going to seek guidance instead of giving in to temptation.

It is not easy to change. And contrary to popular belief, you can't just wake up in the morning to everything being perfect. Point is, I know I am not perfect, and I am perfectly okay with that. I know I am a work in progress. I know God has a plan for me, and that I am the only road block. I know that when I worry, I am only setting myself back. I realize my weaknesses. And I realize the seriousness of them. I can feel God smacking me upside my head. I just need to do something about it before he has to take drastic measures.

My prayer for this month is simple. Lord, please forgive me for my weaknesses. Thank you for your unconditional love and forgiveness. Thank you for the plans you have for me. Help me be a faithful child. Help me open my eyes, heart and mind to the path you have laid for me. Help me listen for you when I feel tempted to walk backwards. Thank you for giving me another chance, every single day. In your Holy Name I pray, Amen.

When life gets in the way.

So week one of my challenge for myself didn't go so hot. It started off okay until we got the phone call that a loved one had passed. So we packed the bags and left town. I did alright on the road, making healthy food choices at the fast food restaurants (with the exception of the necessary caffeine in the coke form) and even discovering my ability to do jumping jacks again, in the bathroom in a gas station. Then we arrived. And there was food. Lots and lots of food. And there really wasn't anything to do but eat. So that's what I did, along with everyone else. I really am not upset with myself. Life gets in the way sometimes. But my stomach is pretty ticked. I feel awful, duh! Then I discovered the recumbent bike in my father-in-laws basement. I'm pretty sure I heard it speak to me. It said something like "No more excuses Lori, I am here, where have you been?" And now I have a plan. I know I'm not going to eat well tonight, as I sit here at Wendy's finishing up this weeks homework downing a tub of coke and a small fry, so I don't feel guilty using the free wireless. But tomorrow is a new day  (thank you God) and I WILL rejoice in it! I get the pleasure of working with some old co-workers while here in Ohio, so not to eat up all of my vacation time. Before work, I will ride that bike for as long as I can stand it, and do as many of my physical therapy exercises as I can without the fancy equipment. I will eat better. I will not give in to temptations. I will remind myself of the reasons I am on this mission. My step mother-in-law was not a healthy person, physically. She was overweight and sedentary. It was not like she didn't have ample opportunity to take care of herself (hello recumbent bike and stash of really nice walking shoes) She just got stuck in her habits of reading, gaming and face booking. She didn't move, and she didn't pay attention to the cues her body was giving her. She died of a massive heart attack at the young age of 56, leaving behind a husband that adored her and a son and future daughter-in-law who thought the world of her. No one will know why she let herself go like this but her and God. But her passing is a wake-up call for those of us who plan to occupy these earthly bodies God has provided for us. I am only 30, have high blood pressure and a long family history of heart disease. So, even though there are mounds of delicious looking food, and really comfy couches and patio furniture at my disposal for the next 5 days, it is up to me to avoid them. And if I want to stay here for very much longer, I guess I'd better ignore them and remember those two beautiful children, amazing husband and this golden path God has paved for me. Recumbent bike and healthy food, welcome back into my life. Delicious looking temptations, it was nice knowing you!

Many Blessings!

End of the road, sort of.

For the past month or so, I have been contemplating the last resort I spoke of in my first blog. Weight loss surgery. I've been researching the lap-band, the less invasive procedure. I'm fed up. I keep falling and hurting myself; I'm having foot pain that has literally kept me off of my feet (doctors orders); and I've gained back the measly 4 pounds I've lost since I started this journey.....again. That, and I feel like poop. I can definitely tell I'm not the fit and active Lori that I was last summer. I'm sooo not feeling Fabulous At Thirty. I'm simply feeling fat. And discouraged. So, why not take the easy way out and have surgery.

I have had friends that have had weight loss surgery, and let me tell you, it is certainly not the easy way out. Just ask someone who has had it. I know people, big and small, who assume that it is a cop-out. That the fat person is just too lazy to do it the hard way. But that is far from the truth for most people. Of course there are some who have this surgery who think it is like the fairy waiving the magic wand; poof, your skinny. They had a rude awakening. But weight loss surgery is not easy. It is hard, it requires a lot of work and a lot of discipline to ensure you lose the weight properly. You have to do specific things at specific times and exercise and follow the rules or you can get sick, malnourished and potentially kill yourself. Those are tall orders, just to lose weight. If I do opt to go this route, now would be the time to do it, as I wouldn't have to pay a penny because I've hit my out of pocket for my insurance.

So why not? Seems like an easy decision, right? HARDLY! I'm struggling with it big time for various reasons. 1) I'm not a fan of surgery. 2) I'm not convinced I've actually done everything I can to lose this weight. 3) If I lose just 10 pounds, I'm not even qualified! 4) If I do this, how can I mentor young obese people who would not have this option. 5) Is this God's plan?

Yes, I know. I think too much. I wish I didn't some times, but I have to believe that there is a reason I do. So, I'm going to type through my reasons.

1) Easy. I've had surgery twice now (not including my wisdom teeth), and really am not a fan of the way it makes me feel or the after effects.

2) I talk a lot. I know what to do. I just don't do it. I make a lot of excuses. I have a lot of good excuses too, but sometimes I think I lean too heavily on the good excuses turning them into bad excuses. And if I have not done everything on my own, who is to say that I will do everything necessary for the surgery to be a success? I sure would hate to waste a good surgeons skills and potentially worsen my health, because I can't follow through with anything.

3) If I just lose 1o pounds, I'm not qualified? What? Seriously? YES! Right now I am technically 100 lbs overweight, with a BMI of 43 or something like that. I qualify for surgery right now, based on my BMI. But if I lose 10 pounds, my BMI will drop to 40. At this time, I will only qualify for surgery if I have two medical problems associated with morbid obesity. I currently only have one. Hmmm. And, if I lose just 50 pounds, I am no longer considered morbidly obese. After reading these statistics, something ignited in me.

4) One of the things I have been called to do by our Heavenly Father is to work with obese children. I know this isn't in my head, because I hear this calling all the time. It's God telling me get your mind right Lori, it's time to make a change so you can finally answer your calling. I feel like I am being disobedient right now. A stubborn child with my own, or lack there of, agenda. How can I help young children change their ways, when I cannot even do it myself. As I drive down the street in a poor area in Birmingham stuffing my face with the Hardees breakfast sandwich and tub of coke, I see an entire family of morbidly obese people, right down to the 2 year old who looked to be about 5. What is wrong with me? I have the resources to make a change for myself. These people do not. I know better, they probably don't. But what am I doing? Sabotaging myself as I fill my body with this nasty stuff that is convenient. Not cool. I have heard my calling. Many people wait years or an entire lifetime for this, but not me. I heard it. And I'm not doing anything about it but thinking. I need to start acting, and I don't think that weight loss surgery is what God had planned for me. If I can't do what I need to help our future do, how can I help them?

5) Finally, is this God's plan for me? Or is this the convenient Hardees breakfast sandwich option? Yes, it would be convenient to have this helping hand in my weight loss journey. But is it obedient? There are people who have this surgery because they need it. It's life or death for them. It's not life or death for me. I think I can do this on my own. I just need to dedicate myself to it. I know this, so why is it so hard?

And that's it. 5 reasons why I'm not sure I should go this route. I think it is pretty clear. But yet, I still don't know what I am going to do. What now?

Here is the plan. I am going to give myself 25 days to do everything right. I'm going to allow myself margin for error. I'm going to plan for my weaknesses. I'm going to exercise everyday, in some form. I'm going to include my family and anyone who reads this on my journey. I'm going to count my calories, and log my workouts. I'm going to pray before every meal. I'm going to pray for God to help the food I eat nourish my body and for Him to nourish my soul so that I am not hungry. I'm going to discipline myself. I'm going to journal, every day. I'm not going to have any expectations at the end of my 25 days other than to do what I said I'm going to do. If I can do this, and I lose weight and disqualify myself for surgery, then there is my answer. If I do this and I don't lose any weight, and am still qualified for this surgery, I will schedule and appointment next month. This is my challenge to myself. If I can follow through with this and know I did everything within my power to help myself, then I will know what I am supposed to do in the end. And it will be spirit led. Because if God wants me to do it on my own, he will help me. If God wants me to seek the help of his skilled servants, then he will lead me there. But it's not up to me. I don't get to make this decision for myself.

So, if you read this, I ask you to pray for me. And if you love me, I ask you to remember that when I'm not so nice during parts of this challenge. Because I'm sure this isn't going to be easy. I've never regimented myself this strictly before, nor have I followed through with something so stringent. But it has never been more important than it is right now.

Lori...not following through with something?? No!

Ha! So, it's been since....um.....I don't remember when that I posted last. If you scroll down to my first post, you will see that I said that wouldn't happen. If you know me, you probably laughed at that part. Or you had hope that this time would be different. Well...I guess it sort of is. Because I'm here now, aren't I?

So in my very last post, you will see that I was a tad over ambitious. I mean come on. A minute by minute, play by play schedule of my day? LOL! Right. That worked for, well maybe the first minute. Truth is, I suck at scheduling. I am good at knowing what I am bad at though. And I'm learning how to fix that.

I'm pretty sure that it has been since my last post that I started going back to school. I am an official student of Axia College, where I will earn my associates degree before moving on to my bachelors. This is a big step for me. I've never been good at school. But guess what, it is week 7 and I'm getting an A in both classes! So, I can do good in things I think I'm bad at! Yeah me!

Conveniently, my first two classes are Health and Wellness and University Studies. Very timely. Health and Wellness has been great because it has re sparked my passion to be well, and to help others be well. University studies is great because it is helping me learn how I learn and how I need to learn how to learn! It is also teaching me how to manage stress and manage time. I'm usually good with the stress part, but, well as you may already know, not so hot on the time part.

How does this all relate to weight loss? Well, wellness is about health physically and mentally. And when working on one, you have to work on the other. It's a total lifestyle change. I know this, but I have not quite grasped it yet. I get to doing great then something happens like a stupid foot issue, or money problems and I fall off of the wagon. So now I have a different approach. Baby steps.

I know I have some things to work on:

1) Finances
2) Weight loss
3) Time Management
4) Spiritual time
5) Goal setting

I know that these won't happen overnight, like in my dreams. I won't wake up one day suddenly organized, fit, rich and holy. So I've devised a plan to not make a plan. Here is how it will work.

Stop doing things that cost money, other than the things I have to do that cost money, ie drive. This means no more eating out (except for the occasional planned affair) Eat healthier when I eat at home. Make TIME for exercise, not EXCUSES for NOT. Try a simple routine that works for everyone. Don't get discouraged when it doesn't work, find out what will work, and change it. Pray. I think I've got that one down. But, I do need to read the bible more. So, I'm going to make that a priority. Somehow, even if it is reading it to the kids. And finally, goal setting. I'm not going to tackle this one just yet. I need to get some of the other things straight first.

I've learned a lot during my brief hiatus. Like how not writing this blog, not remembering that I AM FABULOUS AT THIRTY, and just sorta giving up will make my weight come back! I need to remember why I am doing this. Why it is important. Why others are counting on me. I need to listen to God. He has been sending me messages. Some I've acknowledged, others I have not. But looking back, I get it now. He is telling me that I will not be able to do the things that he has planned for me if I do not get my act together. So, I hear that. Will this be easy? Heck no! Will I fail again? Heck yes! Will I give up because I failed again? Heck no!

Life as I know it is going to change. I'm going to stop going in a vicious circle, and start following the path that has been laid for me. Because I owe it to God, myself, my family, my friends and the future lives I'm going to change!

I feel at PEACE with this! Now let's move!