Confessions of an insecure mommy who is good at faking it.

So not much has improved since my last post. Little things here and there, but really nothing to boast about. I continue to be my biggest barrier. I'm super good at doing for everyone else but bad at anything for myself. And this morning I was pondering how not doing super good at the Lori thing can also be bad for the little me running around.

It is hard to be a mommy. I have two beautiful children. My son is a rambunctious five year old. More on him another time though. My daughter is seven years old, a born leader, strong in every sense of the word. She is tall, smart, artistic, sweet, caring, compassionate, creative and stubborn as all get-up. But she is also confident. That is huge to me! So I think about all of the qualities she has and what a wonderful young lady she is growing up to be, and I beam with pride. I know that she gets some of that from me, and I'm thankful. I wish I had an ounce of that growing up. I think I did when I was five, but it all withered away when I started school. It went down hill from there until I really figured out that it was okay to be me. My goal is to never let her get to that point. But how do I do that?

If you have followed my blog for anytime, you know that I have always been a big girl. My mom denies I was born big, but I'm thinking her eyeglasses prescription was bad because I have seen photos. Once I started school, I was always the big kid. I've always been tall for my age anyway. When I was little, I was called "Tall and big boned" As I entered the world, I was "fat". I was always a loner, never really had too many friends. Actually, I had great friends, but they were the teachers and my parents adult friends or elderly neighbors, never really kids. I wasn't invited to birthday parties unless to be made fun of. I was never selected in gym class to be on a team. You know, typical sob story. I developed into this kid who always wanted to do for others and fix things. Of course, I know now that my motives were not healthy. I was trying to "buy" affection. But, still, that much has not changed as I matured. I love to do for others still, I'm just more aware. Anyway, through those experiences, I learned a lot about people. I had a lot of time to sit on the sidelines and observe. And when I was finally able to come out of my own skin and own who I am, it really worked to my advantage. Now, I am a confident woman, for the most part. But the most part is what my daughter sees. And I hope that is the image she is trying to follow and learn from. I still worry; I know I'm not perfect. I try so hard to set the right example for my kids. They have been instrumental in my wellness journey, and I have worked to include them every step of the way. But I'm failing. Myself first, and then them.

Here is where I am worried. My sweet girl loves herself and I love it. I wish I had an ounce of that confidence. She knows she's beautiful but she is humble. She knows she's unique and she works her talents. She listens and observes and helps and loves. My oh my does she LOVE. I'm worried though, because she is so much like me, that I fear she will think that it is okay to be the lazy, overweight, sloppy woman that I can be sometimes. I have worked hard to leave body image out of any conversation. My wellness journey has never been about looks. It has always been about getting healthy so that we can live a long life. We talk about healthy foods and why it is important to exercise. But never about size or doing it to lose weight. Well, I do it to lose weight. She often tells me "Mommy, you know that isn't going to help you lose weight!!". I love her for it! :) But talk is talk. Knowledge is nothing if you don't put it to use. I tell my kids to eat healthy and we order pizza and eat at McDonalds three times a week. I tell them to exercise, but when they ask to do it, I say I'm too tired. I suck at living out this example I need so badly to set for them.

My fear is that she will think that is okay, and just continue to grow, but not in a healthy way. And I know in my heart it is not about what she looks like. But I DO NOT EVER want her to have to deal with the struggles that I dealt with growing up. I want her to prosper. I want her to feel confident to volunteer or participate in a club, or talk to a group of kids without the fear of what they will think. And I can do everything in my power to teach and share with her the importance of love and faith and confidence and etc etc, but I can't control what happens when I'm not there. I want her to be able to stand up tall and strong and fight for those who are the little girl I was in that class. I don't want her spirit broken, because I'm not teaching her the right stuff. Already she is so much stronger than I ever was. She is the ME of NOW and not the scared, sad, lonely little girl I was in second grade. I thank GOD everyday for that.

So how does a mother do that? School is so much different now than it was when I was her age. Kids are more and more brutal everyday. What I think I have to realize is this: It's not just about ME anymore. I need to start LIVING out the many things I KNOW. I need to LEAD by example, something I do very well in every other aspect of my life. So many times throughout the history of this blog, I've stated that it has to be about me. Well, I don't work very well for me. This is something I'm still trying hard to learn to do. But maybe if I change my focus on this just a little...tweak it a bit, and remember that if I fail, I fail for my kids, then I might be able to make the changes necessary and make them permanent.

My biggest fear is failing as a mother. I know I can't protect them all of the time. But I need to start working hard to prepare them for the challenges they will face. A good friend has been trying to get this through my VERY thick skull. I need to teach and share. That is all I can do. And though it is not all about me, it really has to start with me.

So I will close with this: Being a mommy is the single most difficult job I have ever had. I'm so not good at it, but I'm trying. I work hard everyday to be a better person for my kids. I fail ALL THE TIME. I am trying hard to not look at it as failure, but rather as lessons. Lessons to learn from and then to share.

Peace, friends,

~Mommylah~

Where have I been??

According to my blog, the last time I made an intentional effort to continue on the highly motivated path I set out on was on June 24th. Hmm, where has time gone? Truth is, I don't know. I blink and it's August! And I have nothing to show for it, except perhaps a few extra pounds. Actually, I've been pretty lucky there, but that won't last I'm sure.

So in typical Lori fashion, I let life get in the way. Work got busy, but in a good way. So many doors have opened since I last visited my F.A.T. blog, it is almost overwhelming. I joined Authors on the Air Global radio network as an on air host of my own show, which has been beyond awesome! I've traveled a bit, and so has the hubs, but that's it. One thing I have not done is, well, anything remotely healthy.

This really sucks, because I was making such great progress. Once stuff got busy, I stopped visiting my trainer. She was fantastic and wrote out workouts for me, but I didn't do them. I miss her, and our sessions; they were instrumental in my success. I ate like crap, rarely went grocery shopping, and was a regular fixture at the local fast food joints.....that is if I ate at all, which is a whole other issue in itself... and likely the reason the scale has not gone up.

The past week was perhaps the most challenging. One of the great milestones I hit was getting off of blood pressure meds. Well, guess what? When you stop doing all of the things that got you off of it, you have to go back on it. I had an allergic reaction, my body couldn't fight it very well so it lingered on and on, I had to take drugs, my blood pressure reacted, I felt miserable and am still climbing out of it.

It is really funny how everything is connected. You know, the whole diet, exercise, health, quality of life; it all works together. Fail at one, the others go down hill too. And I know this. Everyone reading this knows this. So if we know this, then why is it so easy to forget?

I say life got in the way, but really I got in the way. I let my priorities get out of whack. And when this happens, it happens full force on everything. My schedule feels out of control, my house feels out of control, my job feels out of control, I am out of control. The hardest thing about being me, is serving ME. I'm super quick at jumping for everyone else, that I neglect myself, which in turn makes me neglect everyone else. Vicious circle it is.

So what is the plan? Heck, I don't know. What I do know is that I have a binder of excellent workouts that need worked out. I have a fabulous room full of exercise equipment that needs dusted off and put to use. I have two kids who are more than happy, ready, anxious even for mommy to get back on the bandwagon. And I have a fully equipped kitchen quite capable of helping me prepare the necessary meals to help us all be a little healthier.

I'm not going to say I've been making excuses why I can't. I just HAVE NOT. I have not done anything. No excuses, no effort, nothing. So I think that is an easy fix. I still have time to hit my goals. I am my only barrier. I have to be on board. I have to make the decision. It really is all about me. And I'm fabulous, right?

So I'm going to kick myself in the ass and get back on board. Its time to make this happen, once and for all (again). Lord help me stick to it this time! And help me get the heck out of my own way!

~Mommylah~

What went wrong? Excuses 101

Man, I was doing so good. Full of motivation, energy, excitement and determination. Two weeks in the bag, 4 pounds down. Then life happened. Unexpected travel, insanely busy work, demanding children, summer camp.... you name it! I was exhausted. I had no time or energy. My motivation was solely used for other people. My office aka. recliner became my permanent go to place for the last two weeks. And I was sat, stiff there, with a book full of "Why I can't" excuses to halt my progress.

So this morning as I was working out I was thinking: "Man this feels good, I love this. Why didn't I do this for two weeks? I'm gonna feel this later." So why? Why do I make all of these excuses when I know deep down that all of those reasons I have for NOT doing it will go away, and the things I'm doing in place of NOT doing it will be much easier. 

That is when I decided to make a list of excuses, and why working out is better than the excuse. So allow me to indulge myself for a minute.

EXCUSE                             TRUTH

                                  I'm too tired                          Working out will give you energy

                                                I'm too busy                          Exercise will help you be more productive

                              I'm too stressed                     Working out will help with that

                                          I'm traveling                           You're taking you legs with you, right?

                                            I have no energy                    You'll find it after a good thirty minutes.

                                                I didn't sleep              The more active you are, the better you will sleep

Before you answer that, I want you to do what I did. That is a short list, I have many, many more, I assure you. While you think about your excuse, think about what would happen if you replaced that excuse with a few minutes of walking or lifting a weight or doing some crunches or a jumping jack....anything! Truth is, fitness, exercise, activity, moving is a solution more often than not. So suck it up and do it! That is my new mantra. Honestly, making excuses is so much more exhausting than the activity at hand. And squeezing in that extra few minutes before or after whatever you're using as an excuse will feel so much better. It takes more energy to think of all of the reasons why you can't than it does to just DO! 

I'll leave you with a little story. I have an author friend; he works full time plus some. He writes horror novels, and this year alone he has self-published at least three. He is also a father of a gazillion kids, cooks dinner, cleans the house and entertains over a thousand hungry friends on facebook, everyday! The other day, he decided it was time to start getting fit, and added a mile run and some strength training to his already busy schedule. Now he doesn't have any weight to lose, mind you, but he just wanted to feel better. So now, he is going to finish writing his newest novel, promote the rest of his collection, go  to work everyday, entertain friends on facebook, care for his home and family, and exercise. When he told me he could help me achieve my goals, I laughed. Right! How on earth can you do that from across the world? On top all of the other things you do. He responded telling me how he manages to write novels while working full time. He FINDS the time. He writes on his breaks at work, constantly thinking about his stories. He writes before work, and often falls asleep writing. The FINDS the time to make it happen because it is what matters; what he lives for, what gives him joy and makes him happy. So, the moral of this story is, YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN FIND THE TIME. Just don't make excuses. Give a little shout out to my good friend Ian Woodhead,  

if you wouldn't mind. Show him support if his story gave you a little motivation today. 

I'm not going to make excuses anymore. Ian won't let me, and I won't let you. Find a way to get it done. You won't be sorry, you will be BETTER and those excuses will be the REASON for getting it done, rather than the reason you didn't.

Happy Monday! 

~Mommylah~

   

Introducing my first guest.... Nina Kneblik

So you have heard me talk about it for months now... I'm inviting some inspiring folks to share with us on my blog. I think it is important for my friends to know who motivates me to keep going. Sometimes, seeing things from people who have been there, or people who are already fantastically fit but continue to work hard to maintain their overall wellness, is what we need to keep going on our own journey. And I have to tell you, my first guest Nina is exactly that... and more.

I first heard of Nina through an author I stalk... eh, I mean follow on facebook, the famous Ryan O'Leary. He is quite a talented and handsome writer of super sexy stories, and known to love the ladies. He shared some pictures of Nina one day, for being an extremely gorgeous and fit woman in her forties.

In her forties? What? Is that possible? Well, I stalked her on facebook for a while before I finally had the guts to send her a friend request. And let me tell you, she is just as gorgeous on the inside as she is out. Nina not only works her butt off (literally... ok maybe not off, but she works her butt!) to achieve her fitness goals, but she works full-time, is married and her son (gasp) is about to graduate from high school!

While doing all of this, she has also partnered with another fabulous friend Janeah Rosecrans to run a group on Facebook,Sassy by Summer to help people get fit, stay fit, and motivate each other doing it! And that is where I really got to know Nina. In our group, she shares with us her challenges and success and is our greatest cheerleader! Always upbeat and friendly, she posts positive quotes, workout challenges, great recipes and answers all of our (many) questions as to her secrets of how she got so sexy! It is with Great pleasure that I share with you an interview with the beautiful Nina!

***

So, Nina my friend, you serve as an inspiration to me and many other people. You have such a positive, bright personality, and it is really my pleasure to share you with the world. Well, the world that is the handful of folks that read my blog. I will start out by saying a HUGE THANK YOU for agreeing to do this! And now I’ll get into my questions.  

When did you decide you wanted to get toned and ripped to compete?

It all happened July of 2011.  Shelley Doyle, who is also a Sassy by Summer member asked if I would be interested in coming to one of her trainer’s classes she offered on Saturdays.  I tried out the class and instantly loved it then decided it was time to hire a personal trainer.  After several sessions and Saturday classes, Shelly and I were sitting after class talking and overheard some of the other girls talk about an upcoming competition.  We joked around about how we wished we could have done something like that when we were younger.  Our trainer told us it wasn’t too late.  We were shocked and after some convincing we had enough time to train for it we both went for it.  I couldn’t believe the transformation from beginning to end and at times wanted to give up because I never thought it was going to happen.  I placed 4^th at my first competition.  At that time, I didn’t think I would be doing another one but there’s something about going through the process of it all.  Even though it’s so much work it’s very rewarding!   

Amazing! How did you prepare yourself for the changes necessary to achieve your goals?

It requires a lot of your time to prepare for competition.  About 12 to 16 weeks out, you’re cooking and preparing 5 to 6 meals a day, 4 to 5 times a week of weight training and 5 to 7 hours of cardio a week, and practicing with a posing coach.  You can imagine how much of your time is spent away from your family and this was very hard for me but they were very supportive in my goals.  

That is great! You said that you had to cook and prepare 5 to 6 meals a day! Phew... Were there drastic changes to the way you eat?

I found out from a test performed by my chiropractor I had a lot of food allergies and was intolerant to many of the foods I was currently eating, even foods that were considered healthy.   After making several changes in my diet I started seeing improvement.  When preparing to compete, you will cook and prepare 5 to 6 meals a day from 12 to 16 weeks with no cheating. 

Even though I have intolerance to food I cannot eat, I still eat them periodically because of course I’m human and enjoy some Mexican food and Red Velvet cake every once in awhile but only when I’m not competing. 

So not only do you have to increase the amount of meals you are eating, but you had to change the foods you eat too. What a challenge! How did your new diet affect your family?

It was difficult because they didn’t eat the same thing.  Maybe if I didn’t have so many food intolerances it may not have been so difficult. 

As a mother and wife who also works full-time, how do you incorporate your fitness and diet goals into your family life?

I work full time and drive anywhere from 80 to 100 miles one way twice a week with my trainer, once every other week with my posing coach, and the rest of the days I would train at home along with cooking my meals and trying to spend whatever time I had left with my family. 

Wow, that is dedication, girl! Is it difficult to find balance? How do you make it work?

At first it was difficult to find balance.  Printing a monthly calendar and writing in what needed to be done day by day was extremely helpful and made things work much easier.  Also, my family was very supportive in helping me with running to the grocery store and buying the things I need to prepare my meals.

So Nina, after all of your hard work, tell me.....what do you love the most about your body?

My favorite part of my body would have to be my arms and my legs when I’m training for competition.  I love when I start seeing the definition and muscles of all the work I put into it.  

They are pretty fabulous! And what is your least favorite?

My abs, because it’s the most challenging part of my body to get toned.  Everyone has their flaws when it comes to their body but you just have to work extra hard to get there. 

Since you spend a lot of time exercising to achieve your goals, what would you say your favorite work out is?

It used to be legs but every-time I work them I get so nauseated and almost sick because it’s takes so much out of you.  I would have to say its cardio because that’s when I get my reading time in. 

Oooh yes, I'm so with you there! Cardio + reading is heavenly! So what would you say your least favorite thing about this lifestyle is?

The time spent away from my family and friends. 

I can definitely identify, though my time is tiny compared to yours. 

Nina, thank you so much for your time! To close, I would love to know... If you could offer one piece of advice to someone like me who has a long journey ahead, what would that be?

Be patient… it doesn’t happen overnight.   Anything is possible if you believe.   Enjoy every opportunity and live every moment with no regrets.  It’s when you’re not scared of losing that you win everything. 

   

 Nina Kneblik- Age 41

There you have it, friends. Isn't she fabulous? And she had to work very hard making sacrifices, facing many of the challenges we use as excuses, everyday! She is proof that hard work and dedication can take you places you never thought you could go! Thank you again, Nina! You are amazing! 

`~Mommylah~

New Month, New...Money?

Out with the old, in with the new. I read my last blog at it was rather whiny. And in my experience, like excuses, whining doesn't get you anywhere. So we are starting fresh. With a lot of things! And I put my money on it.

 

I joined a Diet Bet. It is actually quite neat. I am one of a thousand or something people who are competing to split a pot of over $17K. All we have to do is post our weight and before pictures, put a little cash in the pot, and lose 4% of your weight in 28 days. Everyone who loses the weight, splits the pot. For me that is roughly 13 lbs. And here are the lovely before pictures:

 

 If anyone knows me personally, you know I take monetary goals very seriously. Especially if I invested in it. If you don't know me, well, I have been over my sales goal at work for 14 months. In May, I sold the most ever, though my goal was higher so my % to plan was a measly 135%. Sheesh. But goodness gracious, how have I only now discovered dietbet? Really? (Thanks Facebook!) 

Not only is there the diet bet, but there is this fabulous group I've joined on facebook full of beautiful women and a few handsome men, who have banned together to to get in shape. Some are already in shape and there to motivate us while maintaining or fine tuning their own fitness goals, other of us have a long way to go, like me! And we've decided to do a thirty day ab challenge, that also started yesterday. It looks like this:

 

One of the guys in the group has challenged us to NOT be afraid to sweat, and instead call it gloss. So we are taking turns posting pics (and even a video!) of what we look like all glossed. (see my glorious glossy below). And let me tell you, that has to be one of the most motivating things I have had going in a long time. How to cool is it to actually see evidence of others working just as hard as you! It is almost as good as having a real live workout buddy. I'm loving it! If you would like more info on our fabulous group, please let me know, and I'll put you in touch with one of the group leaders. We'd love to have you join us!

Speaking of the leaders of the group....remember how I said that this blog would be inviting some folks to share with you? Well one of the leaders, the beautiful Nina Knelbik will be my first guest....come back often to catch up with her interview and the rest of the awesome guests who will appear.

So the moral of this story is, we are not in this alone. Find something that motivates you (money, people, clothes, shopping WHATEVER!) and stick to it. We've got this! Let's Go! 

~Mommylah~

Summertime! Yes!

That is right, school is out, swimming pools are open, the lake is full of boats, sun is shining, pollen has disappeared (for the most part) and vacation season has officially begun. But that is not why I'm excited about summer. For me, this year at least, summer has an entirely different meaning.

Over the school year, schedules are crazy. They start at 5:30 AM when the alarm goes off (and I affectionately turn it off with minimal force). It is rush, rush, rush. Hurry up, get the kids out of the door (and always late to school), get on the road, go call on customers, rush to get the kids from daycare by 6:00, go home, try to throw something that resembles healthy together for supper so that you can eat before 8:00PM. Usually that doesn't happen because I will have forgotten to take the meat out of the freezer so Papa Johns to the rescue, or a quick Sonic run. Then we STILL end up eating at 8:00. I will stay up way to late catching up on the work I didn't get done, go to bed, not sleep, wake up and do it all again. Exhausting, right? (and that isn't even all of it!) And before you get all "Oh Lori, you can do better, you just have to manage your time better" on me, believe me. I know. I've got it all figured out! On paper. But that is usually where it stays. Forevermore.

But summertime. Oh glorious summer. The alarm doesn't go off. I wake up at 5:30 AM all by myself. The kids are laid back, my mom takes them so no rushing off to school. I can actually eat (gasp) breakfast and make it to my first customer PREPARED! Wow. Miracles happen in the summer. For some reason, I get home at a decent time. I pick the kids up and have plenty of time to make dinner. Tonight, I made fish! And it didn't suck! And fresh veggies, and cous-cous. Oh my goodness, an entire home cooked meal, on the table before 7:00! I don't know what it is, but it is almost as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I have the resounding feeling of peace. The "little me" on my shoulder is cheering me on "You've got this Lori, you've got this!" And I do.

So the meaning of my summer is the opportunity to slow down. I vow (ha!) to not make unachievable goals. I vow to at least eat dinner at the table four of the seven days in a week. I vow to make use of the looser schedules that come with longer days and shorter nights; to use this time to work HARDER to achieve my goals. Do you know when you just have a good feeling about something, but you can't really pin point what it is, or why? Well that is where I am. So YAY for summer. Yay for getting my act together and for the relief of knowing I've been ridden of at least one of my recurring excuses.

Happy Summer!

~Mommylah~